This is a test, part 2

I understand that China has been blocking access to blog sites. Since the whole point of this blog is so interested parties can follow along on our trip, this could create a problem. I read I can email an entry and it will show up on the blog. So this is a test to see if I can email a blog entry

Practicing

When Arny and I went to our first meeting with Rabbi Renee, the rabbi performing our wedding, I cried as she read various passages she might include in the ceremony. I apologized for the leaky eyes and was embarrassed that I couldn't hold it together. I thought "how am I going to make it through the actual ceremony if I can't even listen to her read sitting at her dining room table?". I vowed I was not going to be a basket case at my own wedding, so I practiced. She sent the draft of the "script" and I would sit in front of the computer, reading and crying. Over and over I would read, until I could get through the entire thing without a tear.

It worked. The night of the ceremony, not a tear fell (at least as far as I can remember).

Now I am practicing again. The phone call, saying our child is ours, the day we meet our child for the first time- I constantly imagine how each will go. And I cry; on the subway, waiting for the subway, in the elevator, walking down the street. First my eyes tear up and I quickly start thinking of something else. Sometimes it works, but most of the time at least one tear makes it down my cheek. I wipe it away and pretend nothing has happened. I have about 7 months to go. I wonder if that will be enough time???

Further Adventures in Food

mmmm, mmmmm, good!!

kind of kiwi like....

Adventures in Food

This is a DragonFruit. Scary, huh?

I was walking through Chinatown today and saw a pile of them sitting on a fruitseller's cart. Remembering Pam's talk yesterday about trying this amazing fruit at the Great Wall, I just stood by the cart and stared for awhile. Now, I wasn't sure if this is what she had or not, but it looked interesting. As I was thinking I ought to be adventurous and expand my fruit repetoire, the vender looked at me said "you want?" I said "how do you eat it". He replied very patiently, this being Sunday and me being just one more caucasion tourist out for a little culinary adventure, "you peel it, like a banana - very sweet". "How bad could it be" I thought and $2 later, I was walking away holding my little dragonfruit, ready for my first taste of mystery fruit.

On the way home with my fruit and several bags of ginger candy, which I have developed a liking for, I passed a "Celebrate Chinatown" street fair. The vendors were mostly for services like healthcare and banking in the neighborhood, so I was more interested in the stores than the fair. I passed a beef jerky store that I have to tell my cousin Woody about. He made it once (and I actually ate it - it really wasn't bad). Right next to the beef jerky store was a dumpling house which claimed their dumplings were just as good as Joe's Shanghai. Next time Kelsey and Jed are in town, we will have to find out for ourselves.

Finally, nearing the end of the festival I started hearing the song "Celebrate" by KC and the Sunshine Band. What they were doing playing this at a Chinese festival I don't know, but following the sound I came to a stage where about 25 older chinese women, lined up in rows all wearing yellow t-shirts were doing some sort of line dance, awkwardly but most enthusiastically dancing to the music. I almost started crying it was so funny.

Waiting Family

Yes, that is what we are now.
Waiting.
A waiting family.
We went to a meeting for all of the waiting families with our agency. Some still had the paperwork to fill out and others had gotten their referrals. We met a couple, David and Ann, who just got theirs last week. They had the referral pictures with them and were proudly showing them off. Ann and I had a lot in common; mostly we both tear up over just about anything having to do with adoption. The two of us were sitting there with tears filling our eyes and then spilling over as the director spoke of her recent trip to China and showed us all pictures of CCAA officials and the piles of dossiers waiting to be logged in. Ours was one of them. Ann and I laughed about it as we cried. Pam passed around a sample of the referral paperwork we will get - pages of information on our child; health, abilities, likes, dislikes, habits. Ann and I laughed more as the tears fell.

Arny is used to the tears by now. Whenever he sees me sitting at the computer or reading a book and wiping away tears, he says with a sympathetic look, "you're reading adoption stuff, arent' you?". "Yes", I reply, wiping away the tears. I just can't help it.

4th of July

As I stood next to Arny watching the fireworks down by the Hudson River, I couldn't help but think "next year, we will be watching with our child". Will she like seeing the colorful explosions? She probably never saw them before. Will she be scared? Maybe she will be sitting on Arny's shoulders (he's the tall one). I looked around at the other people. There were families on the grass, finishing up their picnics and watching while the children were running around. Will she be running too? As each holiday passes I think, "next year........."

DTC

That's adoption talk for "Dossier to China". We just heard from our agency confirming ours went on June 24, 2005. It will be translated and then logged into the system at CCAA, the Chinese adoption agency, where it will slowly move from the review room to the matching room..

No one really knows what goes on there, but there are rumors abound. Some say they scan your pictures into a computer and try to match up parents and children that have similar characteristics. I'm not sure if that's true or not, but just to be sure, I refused to send Arny's official passport picture which made him look like a drug crazed serial killer. You see, in addition to the regular pictures (full body shots, picture of "the baby's room", front of apartment building, playgrounds, etc), we had to send two passport sized pictures for use with the documents. I called the agency to see if they had to be official passport pictures. Luckily they didn't. I took some pictures in the apartment where he didn't look drug crazed or killer like and sent those.

The whole picture thing becomes an obsession. You are required to send pictures of you and your home, so the Chinese officials can get a sense of who you are and the kind of environment you live in. For example, you need a picture of where the baby will sleep. Now, if you have a house and an extra room and have already completely furnished the room, which some people have done, the Chinese officials will get a clear sense of the "baby's room". If, like us, you live in a NYC apartment, you have a room, fully furnished with not a stitch of baby furniture and you throw some stuffed animals (taken from work) on the trundle bed and take a picture of that with a caption "the crib will go here". And then you stand there thinking "where am I going to put all this stuff?" Ahhh, the wonders of apartment living!!

Tears

My vision got blurry as she handed me my documents. I left the window and made my way to one of the hard plastic chairs and sat. What is wrong with me? I am about to cry all because some very professional Chinese woman sitting behind a glass partition handed me all of my thirteen documents fully authorized by the Chinese Consulate. It's official. These thirteen documents are what is going to bring me my child. I am that much closer to motherhood. Wow.

"True"

Whoever thought one little word could cause so much angst? True - it's a nice word. Short, easy to spell - a noble word.

Keep in mind that I have a book full of instructions for the mountains of paperwork that has to be collected and everything has to be done just so. One little omission in any one of the many pieces that make up the official "dossier" can cause a delay in an already too long wait for our child. We received the last piece, the I171H, which had to be copied on legal size paper notorized, certified, apostiled and then stamped by the Chinese consulate. Since it is a copy, " This is a true and authentic copy of an original document" must be written on it, before it is signed in front of a notary.

So, early Monday morning I walk to the courthouse, stopping on the way to make my "copy on legal size paper". I walk up to the counter, to the same woman, Michelle, who helped me on Friday and hand her the paper, telling her I need it notorized and certified. She looks at it and says "you have to take off the true". I say "what?". She says " I can't notorize it with the true". "what?".... evil look (from her, not me. Not that I didn't want to give her a dirty look, but she held my notorization in the palm of her hand, so I had to be very, very pleasant)....."But, my agency says that's what has to be on it" She rolls her eyes. As I pull out the extra copy and write " This is an authentic copy of an original document" I am picturing a chinese official somewhere in China rejecting us as parents because "true" isn't there.

Now this may sounds really obsessive, I know because I am reading this thinking, Jennifer, this is really obsessive. But, trust me it's not. After 3 sets of fingerprints, mounds of forms filled out just so, well. It. Is. Not. Obsessive.

dream part 2

Had another dream last night. She was small - maybe 6 months old with a head full of dark, shiny hair. I came into the room and she was lying on a bunch of very soft fluffy sheets that were gathered all around her. She was smiling. She was happy. I woke up. I was smiling. I was happy.

We got the I171H yesterday which means the US immigration department has approved us bringing an orphan into the country. I did my little happy dance when I got the envelope which made Arny smile. Seeing the words "Notice of Favorable Determination Concerning Application for Advance processing of Orphan Petition" and "Your advance processing application has been forwarded to the American Consulate or Embassy at Guangzhou, China (approval for 1 child)" made it real. I am going to be a mom.

We spent the rest of the night discussing names and actually started a list: Alexandra, Amanda and Emily. We won't decide until we get the referral picture. We could after all be referred a boy and while Alexandra could easily be changed to Alexander, Amanda or Emily would cause all sorts of problems.