or someone who looks like an adult, but is truly still in child and in no way should be given authority over one...only kidding!!!!I went to visit Lori and Juliana today and I really don't know how it happened, but I ended up with Juliana in my lap as I piloted the two of us around the apartment in the stroller. Me...my butt....in the stroller......it was kinda fun...ok, now before you think I have totally lost my mind, let me explain. Juliana was not taking to the stroller too well and Lori really wanted to get out of the apartment and give her arms a rest after carrying Juliana around all day. I thought maybe if I got in with her and made it into a game, she may feel better about be strapped into a devise that puts her at calf level with the rest of the world and face to face with anything on a leash that she happens to pass.
It worked....
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Bundle of Joy #2
At 10 p.m. Sunday night in New York, just as I was taking my final sip of wine at a lovely Italian dinner with Arny and Kevin, Michelle and Evan were meeting their daughter for the first time.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Cleaning House
Arny and I were packing up the rest of the things to be taken to storage. We had decided early on that we would only take what we thought we would need for the next year or so, leaving everything else in the bottomless hole called 'storage' - the place where things go in and you never see them again. Or you only find half of what should be a whole - the other half surely packed in another box, the one all the way in the back under the four others on top of it.
At first, it was easy putting things in various piles. Power tools: to storage, except for the drill - Arny needs a little security tool to take with him, that's ok. Clothes: to japan. Slightly worn clothes: thrift store. Slightly worn clothes with many stains: garbage. As time went on the decisions became harder and harder.
Do I take all of my old greeting cards, so when I am really lonely for New York I can read them and remember a time where my friends were close by and spoke English as their first language?
What about all of the yarn and knitting needles - am I ever really going to knit or should I just finally just let that thought go?
And the records - yes, old vinyl. Should I keep them or just put them all up for sale on Ebay? You know, I am still holding on to the original "Meet the Beatles" album. I can't tell you how many times I have packed up that album or when the last time I actually played it was, but I can tell you that seeing the cover with my name and address scribbled on the cover in black crayon makes me think of my grandmother. I went to Korvette's with my her to buy it - my first record album. About to be a real teenager with a real album of my own, I wandered around the record department until I saw the cover of the fab four on the cover - George, Paul, John, Ringo! - there they were, within arms reach!!. I was so excited as I followed her up to the counter, feeling very grown up - very grown up with my very own record album, not just one of those dinky little 45's.
I stood behind her as she handed it to the rather cute, also real teenager like me sales guy and said "can you play this?" He looked at her like she was from a different planet - planet ANCIENT to be exact. Leering at both of us, he replied, "we don't play the albums, we sell the albums". I cringed right there thinking my first album experience, more importantly, my first album experience with cute boy teenager was being shattered at that very moment. I pleaded "no grandma, he doesn't have to play it". "But how do you know you want it if you haven't heard the songs yet?", she said defiantly to both of us, as if at any moment we would both recognize the wisdom of age and aquience to her wish. In her day that is what you did. You went into a store, picked out a record and the salesman would play it for you. Then after listening to it, you would either buy it or ask to hear something else. As forceful as I dared to be, I said "I know, I know I want it, please can we just buy it" wanting, really wanting to disappear into the floor, with or without my copy of "Meet the Beetles". She stared at me for a minute, as if she was evaluating the level of my desire. Shaking her head, she slowly turned to the guy and said "we'll take it".
As I walked out of the store with my album, still embarrassed at what transpired inside, little did I know many years later, it would be one of the memories of my grandmother that would make me miss her...even after all these years.
P.S. I kept the album.
At first, it was easy putting things in various piles. Power tools: to storage, except for the drill - Arny needs a little security tool to take with him, that's ok. Clothes: to japan. Slightly worn clothes: thrift store. Slightly worn clothes with many stains: garbage. As time went on the decisions became harder and harder.
Do I take all of my old greeting cards, so when I am really lonely for New York I can read them and remember a time where my friends were close by and spoke English as their first language?
What about all of the yarn and knitting needles - am I ever really going to knit or should I just finally just let that thought go?
And the records - yes, old vinyl. Should I keep them or just put them all up for sale on Ebay? You know, I am still holding on to the original "Meet the Beatles" album. I can't tell you how many times I have packed up that album or when the last time I actually played it was, but I can tell you that seeing the cover with my name and address scribbled on the cover in black crayon makes me think of my grandmother. I went to Korvette's with my her to buy it - my first record album. About to be a real teenager with a real album of my own, I wandered around the record department until I saw the cover of the fab four on the cover - George, Paul, John, Ringo! - there they were, within arms reach!!. I was so excited as I followed her up to the counter, feeling very grown up - very grown up with my very own record album, not just one of those dinky little 45's.
I stood behind her as she handed it to the rather cute, also real teenager like me sales guy and said "can you play this?" He looked at her like she was from a different planet - planet ANCIENT to be exact. Leering at both of us, he replied, "we don't play the albums, we sell the albums". I cringed right there thinking my first album experience, more importantly, my first album experience with cute boy teenager was being shattered at that very moment. I pleaded "no grandma, he doesn't have to play it". "But how do you know you want it if you haven't heard the songs yet?", she said defiantly to both of us, as if at any moment we would both recognize the wisdom of age and aquience to her wish. In her day that is what you did. You went into a store, picked out a record and the salesman would play it for you. Then after listening to it, you would either buy it or ask to hear something else. As forceful as I dared to be, I said "I know, I know I want it, please can we just buy it" wanting, really wanting to disappear into the floor, with or without my copy of "Meet the Beetles". She stared at me for a minute, as if she was evaluating the level of my desire. Shaking her head, she slowly turned to the guy and said "we'll take it".
As I walked out of the store with my album, still embarrassed at what transpired inside, little did I know many years later, it would be one of the memories of my grandmother that would make me miss her...even after all these years.
P.S. I kept the album.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Shopping
I walked down the isles thinking this shopping excursion would be fun. Ha!!
As I made my way through the store, getting close to the "baby" isle, my heart started to quicken - there it was, right in front of me. "I can do this" I thought, as I saw the baby bottles come into view. What??!! There was an entire wall of them - perhaps ten different brands, large, small, ones with little pictures on them, ones with slanted tops, ones that claim to be good for colicky babies - who knew??? I had a list with things to buy and bottles were on it, but which particular kind of bottles was I supposed to buy? I started sweating and looked to Arny for help. "I don't remember, it was a long time ago" he said, trying to be helpful (NOT!!!) but wanting to be anywhere else at the moment. "Thanks for the insight", I thought as the image of my child refusing all food because she didn't like the bottle came into my mind.
I searched and searched, my mind racing. I picked up the 4oz. bottles and threw them in the cart. No, wait, what if she wanted a lot. Should I get the 8oz. ones instead? My heart felt like it was about to explode from beating so fast as I was thinking "this shouldn't be this hard". Just then, Arny picks up the Platex Gift set containing a variety of sizes and nipples. Done!!! Have I ever mentioned that my husband is one brilliant man?
We moved on to the pharmacy area. He mentioned something about needing headphones and wandered off to the electronic area. Fine. Leave me in the middle of a panic attack. You know what I said about him being brilliant before? I lied.
P.S. I ended up with about half the items on the list, but I did by the Fisher Price Peek-A-Boo Alphabet blocks. My little gift to myself as my mind is such right now that playing on the floor with these adorable little things is about the only thing I'm capable of.
As I made my way through the store, getting close to the "baby" isle, my heart started to quicken - there it was, right in front of me. "I can do this" I thought, as I saw the baby bottles come into view. What??!! There was an entire wall of them - perhaps ten different brands, large, small, ones with little pictures on them, ones with slanted tops, ones that claim to be good for colicky babies - who knew??? I had a list with things to buy and bottles were on it, but which particular kind of bottles was I supposed to buy? I started sweating and looked to Arny for help. "I don't remember, it was a long time ago" he said, trying to be helpful (NOT!!!) but wanting to be anywhere else at the moment. "Thanks for the insight", I thought as the image of my child refusing all food because she didn't like the bottle came into my mind.
I searched and searched, my mind racing. I picked up the 4oz. bottles and threw them in the cart. No, wait, what if she wanted a lot. Should I get the 8oz. ones instead? My heart felt like it was about to explode from beating so fast as I was thinking "this shouldn't be this hard". Just then, Arny picks up the Platex Gift set containing a variety of sizes and nipples. Done!!! Have I ever mentioned that my husband is one brilliant man?
We moved on to the pharmacy area. He mentioned something about needing headphones and wandered off to the electronic area. Fine. Leave me in the middle of a panic attack. You know what I said about him being brilliant before? I lied.
P.S. I ended up with about half the items on the list, but I did by the Fisher Price Peek-A-Boo Alphabet blocks. My little gift to myself as my mind is such right now that playing on the floor with these adorable little things is about the only thing I'm capable of.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Bundle of Joy #1 Arrives
"UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is perfect and adorable and all ours! It is one experience I can only describe in person-an e-mail won't do it. We can't wait for you both to be where we are now. She is sitting on the bed playing with stackable cups in her diapers. She is smiling and giggling and has great eye contact. Can't wait for you to meet her."
Lori and Mark, in China
I can't think of a more glorious "wake up" e-mail.....................BIG SMILE!!!!!
Lori and Mark, in China
I can't think of a more glorious "wake up" e-mail.....................BIG SMILE!!!!!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
The Crib
I did it. I went to the web, babycenter.com to be exact, and clicked and entered and clicked some more and found this:
My first major baby purchase. I held off on buying anything substantial until we got the referral, but we need to get all of the essentials and have them shipped to Tokyo at the end of June, when the rest of our stuff is going. We have to get it and put it together so that the movers can undo it and then pack it up again. Don't ask. Just pray the Japanese customs people don't read blogs or we will be paying oodles of dollars in added customs fees. Apparently shipping new things is a no no. Perhaps we will have our little neighbors, Jonathan and Jordan come over and jump on the mattress for awhile - Arny suggested this. He suggested they do this with their shoes on. Mmmmmm, kids jumping on the bed with their shoes on........is this wrong?
My first major baby purchase. I held off on buying anything substantial until we got the referral, but we need to get all of the essentials and have them shipped to Tokyo at the end of June, when the rest of our stuff is going. We have to get it and put it together so that the movers can undo it and then pack it up again. Don't ask. Just pray the Japanese customs people don't read blogs or we will be paying oodles of dollars in added customs fees. Apparently shipping new things is a no no. Perhaps we will have our little neighbors, Jonathan and Jordan come over and jump on the mattress for awhile - Arny suggested this. He suggested they do this with their shoes on. Mmmmmm, kids jumping on the bed with their shoes on........is this wrong?
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Ok, I'm Better Now
Ahhh, the frustration of an international adoption. The "not knowing" is just part of the whole process. In order to stay calm throughout this now ridiculously long journey, I organize and plan. It gives me something to do besides freak out. When those plans get changed, it breaks the whole facade of me having control over any aspect of this process and frankly, I don't like that facade broken. Intellectually, I know ever since I handed in my dossier with all of the documents required, I have no control over this process. But, it helps to delude myself into thinking I do.
But I don't. No one knows how many families will be matched each month. So each month, I troll the adoption boards to find any stitch of information that may comfort me. The rumors abound - from Australia to Spain - "they are matching only 4 days", "they are trying to match a whole month", "the CCAA is moving", "the CCAA is not moving", "the wait is going up to 14 months", "the wait is going down" etc., etc., etc. One waiting mom established an entire blog to compile all of the rumors and polls into one. So, instead of having to search the many different adoption boards, you only have to go to one - sort of like one stop obsessing.
But, it all means nothing until the actual referrals come out and the CCAA! posts the latest news on their website. Everyday I check to see if our date is on the lower right hand side completing the sentence "The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before....."
and each month I wait.........for my world to change in the most wonderful way....
But I don't. No one knows how many families will be matched each month. So each month, I troll the adoption boards to find any stitch of information that may comfort me. The rumors abound - from Australia to Spain - "they are matching only 4 days", "they are trying to match a whole month", "the CCAA is moving", "the CCAA is not moving", "the wait is going up to 14 months", "the wait is going down" etc., etc., etc. One waiting mom established an entire blog to compile all of the rumors and polls into one. So, instead of having to search the many different adoption boards, you only have to go to one - sort of like one stop obsessing.
But, it all means nothing until the actual referrals come out and the CCAA! posts the latest news on their website. Everyday I check to see if our date is on the lower right hand side completing the sentence "The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before....."
and each month I wait.........for my world to change in the most wonderful way....
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Rant #1
We are treading the water of wait as the referrals slow to a trickle and we are still 6 weeks away based on our log in date of July 27. The China Center for Adoption Affairs just announced they matched families whose paperwork was logged in before June 16, 2005 - only 10 days worth of dossiers since last month. What was a six month wait when we started has turned into a year, or more. My carefully thought out plans in my last post are looking more and more unlikely and my patience is growing thin.
I WANT MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
As if Things Couldn't Get Any Crazier
It is official.
We are moving to Tokyo sometime towards the end of June or early July. Before we leave we have to find a shipper, get our visas and buy everything we need baby and teenager wise. Tess and I will travel to Florida to visit with my mother and set things up for her so my guilt at leaving a 94 year old woman to travel half way around the world is lessened as much as humanly possible. Tess must be brought to her "home-away-from-home" at Julie, Stuart and Jack's house. More guilt. Once we get to Japan, we have to find an apartment, find a social worker to do our homestudy update and wait for all of our worldly goods to arrive. Our referral should come sometime towards the end of July. Jed will be arriving to spend his junior year with us towards the end of August. We will travel to China towards the end of September, with a brief stop in Honolulu so TeeBeeDee will become a US citizen (and hopefully meet her big sister and her auntie "M") the beginning of October. TeeBeeDee and I will travel to New York to get Tess and then Florida to see grandma the end of November.
And then.............................I'll just pass out from all of the above excitement - properly insuring of course that I don't land on the baby.
We are moving to Tokyo sometime towards the end of June or early July. Before we leave we have to find a shipper, get our visas and buy everything we need baby and teenager wise. Tess and I will travel to Florida to visit with my mother and set things up for her so my guilt at leaving a 94 year old woman to travel half way around the world is lessened as much as humanly possible. Tess must be brought to her "home-away-from-home" at Julie, Stuart and Jack's house. More guilt. Once we get to Japan, we have to find an apartment, find a social worker to do our homestudy update and wait for all of our worldly goods to arrive. Our referral should come sometime towards the end of July. Jed will be arriving to spend his junior year with us towards the end of August. We will travel to China towards the end of September, with a brief stop in Honolulu so TeeBeeDee will become a US citizen (and hopefully meet her big sister and her auntie "M") the beginning of October. TeeBeeDee and I will travel to New York to get Tess and then Florida to see grandma the end of November.
And then.............................I'll just pass out from all of the above excitement - properly insuring of course that I don't land on the baby.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Hugs
Hug #1
She folds into my body as if she belongs. Her warmth makes me smile as I hold her gently, allowing her scent to fill me. It feels so good. But then, when we are both so comfortable, she raises her head and reaches out for her mother.
Hug #2
He holds me gently, as I cry. He knows it's been difficult dealing with the upcoming changes, the fight for control over what is best for a young mind, the unpredictability of it all. He understands the need to let it go.....let it all go.....................
She folds into my body as if she belongs. Her warmth makes me smile as I hold her gently, allowing her scent to fill me. It feels so good. But then, when we are both so comfortable, she raises her head and reaches out for her mother.
Hug #2
He holds me gently, as I cry. He knows it's been difficult dealing with the upcoming changes, the fight for control over what is best for a young mind, the unpredictability of it all. He understands the need to let it go.....let it all go.....................
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