The Hissy Fit

Ariana used to be a pleasant dinner companion.
She would sit.
She would eat.
She would look cute - quietly.

Not anymore.
She squirms.
She fusses.
She messes.
She wants to get down off her chair, run around, sit on the floor, lie on the floor, eat off the floor and otherwise make mealtime extremely chaotic. Eating with her is no longer a relaxing experience at all. Especially when she is doing all of this in a restaurant.

Last night we decided to put an end (or try to) to the bad dinner table behavior. After about two minutes in the booster seat, she held out her arms to me so that I would pick her out of her chair and hold her on my lap.
I said no.
She said "Down".
I said no.
She cried. We looked at her and continued our conversation.
She cried more. We looked at her more and kept talking.
She screamed. We kept talking - louder.
She starting kicking the table.
We laughed.
She threw her plate on the floor, still filled with the night's dinner. We told the dog to go eat it.
She wailed, looking at each of us for salvation.
We ignored her.
She starting pleading using every word she knew hoping one of them would work and we would respond.
We didn't.
She continued all of the above.
I put my foot on the bottom of the chair so she wouldn't tip over and she continued to wail and thrash about, as I was silently calculating the money I will have to put aside for therapy later on.
We finished our dinner.
She stopped briefly and I asked her if she wanted to get down.
She said "down" in an exhausted little voice.
I got her down.
She smiled.

Fast forward to today at lunch in a restaurant.
She sat.
She ate.
She looked cute.
Quietly.

Family

Ariana has been meeting more of her family over the past few weeks - big sister came to visit last month and we met some of her cousins yesterday. Kelsey's visit came at the same time as the anniversary of Ariana's abandonment. It made me think a lot about family and what that means for her. I don't mean the "family" one creates that is made of the people in your life who are the nearest and dearest and who you wish were part of your "family family". You people out there reading this know who you are. I mean the family one is born into - the blood kind.

In Ariana's case, there is no blood kind as there is no blood connection. Unless laws change in China that enable women to come forward without the threat of jail, or worse, she will never know who she got her eyes, her smile or her mischievous nature from.

She can however, look at us and see a connection - she enjoys shopping and new clothes like her big sister, doesn't like vegetables like her big brother, analyses things like her baba, appreciates a stylish shoe like her mama, eats things off the floor like her dog (I know, I'm stretching the family thing here), has a genuinely good heart like nanna and gramps and does not like the current president like her grandma (ok, perhaps I am projecting here, but she does get a distasteful expression every time his picture comes on television - could be gas, but I don't think so).

These traits, and there are many more both good and bad, that while not inherited in the usual way, make her who she is as an individual and as part of our family. I hope she learns to treasure the things that make her family unique, like the spelling of her last name, the genuine good nature and kindness, the silly sense of humor. I hope she can accept the "bad" things as well (notice how these are left unstated). For it will be all those things (and the acceptance of all those things) that makes her part of the wonderful little person she is today and will become in the years to come.

Brides and Blossoms...

...have arrived. In the short time we were away, what were barren trees are now overflowing with tiny and delicate pink petals, hanging precariously on branches until the first strong wind knocks them down.

Weddings held during this week are especially joyous and we had the honor of attending one on Saturday. One of baba-san's colleagues graciously invited both of us and so off we were to experience what we had only observed outside our window and further shame ourselves by being ignorant of Japanese traditions. While the actual ceremony is for family only, the reception is larger, with friends and colleagues invited as well.

First of all, when the invitation says noon, they mean noon. Not five after, not even 2 after - they mean noon. As it was the first time leaving Ariana (with April and Jed - it worked out wonderfully - apparently not a tear was shed), we ended up arriving at about five after 12 and were immediately spotted by a lovely woman in an exquisite kimono (one of several worn that day) who knew who we were (first sign we were in trouble). She ushered us downstairs and into the reception room where EVERYONE ELSE WAS SITTING DOWN WAITING....FOR US!!!!!). As weddings here are intricately orchestrated events timed down to the minute, any deviation is cause for concern. We immediately knew where we were seated, as the only two empty chairs sat quite obviously at a table in front of us. A detailed program was placed at our setting, listing everything from the schedule, which includes a presentation by the chef, the menu, the bride and groom's history and likes and dislikes (it even listed their blood type - T.M.I. perhaps??). The welcome introductions started as soon as we were seated and then the groom gave a toast. There were several speeches given - some in English and some in Japanese. It is customary for the groom's father to give a speech and this one was lovely. I can say this because he gave it in English. The groom's boss also gave a speech as did the bride's. This is customary in Japan. There is no best man, no "whoever wants to give a toast stand up" kind of thing. I do have to say all of the speeches (the ones I understood, that is) were beautiful and touching and humble and very Japanese.

In between the speeches they served a wonderful meal, with an even better dessert buffet afterwards. While outside, we all posed for a group photograph. It was all over by 2:30pm. At that time, the bride and groom said goodbye and left. That was our cue to pick up our gift bags (yes, in Japan guests receive a shopping bag filled with treats that is placed conveniently under ones chair), follow them out and go through the receiving line greeting both sets of parents and the bride and groom. As we left, he handed us a copy of the group photo we had posed for earlier.

What a great memento and a great day!!

The Trip, pt. 2

Things I Learned While In Hokkaido

1) Going to a ski resort in Japan when you don't ski, are not Japanese, don't speak the language and have an Asian child is a uniquely bizarre and challenging experience. We were stared at. A lot. From adults, sly glances and conversation. From children, obvious double takes as they tried to figure out what was going on. As I couldn't understand their words, it became a game as each day brought more looks. I would mentally give out awards for the sliest, the most obvious, the funniest. It was fun.

2) Be careful what button you push on the television remote. While sitting with Jed, he pushed one and porno appeared on the screen. Thankfully, the specific body parts were blurred (I imagine until you actually put in your order for the show), but it did cause a bit of embarrassment on both our parts, until we realized how funny it was - then we both just laughed. Later, when we told Arny about it, he commented how it was probably the only channel where we could all understand what we were seeing, since the seven stations we got were all in Japanese.

3) Japanese toilets - the adventures continue. Never let a small and curious child near the buttons when you are sitting on one.

4) Fondue - be careful. Do not put the fork used in the hot oil pot anywhere near your mouth. Yes, the blister has finally gone away.

5) Singing animal figures are big in Japan. I was forced by my child to watch the singing dogs as they performed such American standards as "Happy Days are Here Again", "Sitting on Top of the World" and "Dixie". While quite frightening, it wasn't as much as the musical group in "Oktoberfest", one of the themed restaurants we ate in, where the "waitress" character sang while accompanied by various animals all dressed in German mountaineer outfits.

6) Japanese toy cell phones are far more advanced than American made ones, with many more features and sounds and therefore, that much more annoying. The entire tram car exited repeating the phrase "moshi moshi genki" as they had heard it over and over and OVER AND OVER during the 4 minute ride. Thank you Ariana!!

7) Neither a two and a half year old nor her mother like being told one must get off the carousel and walk all the way around in order to ride it again. Actually, we were not told because we don't speak Japanese. Instead, the carousel operator ran and got a sign as big as a cue card with the words spelled out in English.

8) When a two and half year old says her brother's name, it sounds like "Dead".

9) Japanese people like to sit around watching musical fountains. There was one where the water was synchronized to the music. There were many chairs set up in front of it and people would sit and watch the sprays go up and down in time to the music.

10) Listening to your child squeal with glee while riding the gondola up the mountain is worth every stare, every sign, every burn and every frightening life size singing animal..

Our Trip

This is Hokkaido..it was the first snow we had seen all winter and there was definitely a lot to be seen...it was also the opportunity for Ariana to experience a lot of firsts....
first time on snow - she was not thrilled.....
first time being chauffeured around by her big brother - this she loved...


first time in a sled - she got the hang of it and her initial dislike of snow turned into love......

especially when it came to the eating of said snow.. ..

first time in pigtails. Her hair is finally long enough for at least some of it to be put up and she found this extremely funny. After I was done, she would ask to be picked up so she could look at herself in the mirror....

Oh yes, and the first time on skis, thanks to baba. In ski boots two sizes too big, she was fearful at first, but then began to like it and as he took her up and down the small hill, kept asking for more.

I'll write more in the next few days about the trip, but I thought you would be anxious to see the little snow bunny....

Hokkaido

We are here.
There is snow.
It is beautiful.
However, internet access is extremely limited so this may be my only post until we get back. I am sitting in the lobby while Arny and Jed eat breakfast because SOMEONE WAS UP AT 5:45AM, POINTING TO THE TV AND SAYING, NO, MAKE THAT - SCREAMING, "WIGGLES" (THANKS A LOT AUNTIE M!!! - as a side note, is there a 12 step program for Wiggles addiction??). In my attempt not to wake the others, I played the damn "Wiggles" and then took her down to breakfast about 7am.

Have a great week all!!

Ariana's got a boyfriend...

......a handsome fellow named Yuto. They had their second date, chaperoned of course, last night at a dinner party given by my friend Judith. It was very cute, seeing these two play and flirt together. At first, Yuto was trying really hard to impress her, but she was playing hard to get. But then, she started flirting with him and they were running around having loads of fun with Yuto's older sister Ashton and Judith's niece Emily.

She is usually very quiet around other kids, preferring to play by herself, but last night, she was laughing and running around with the gang, enjoying many rounds of "ring around the rosy". Perhaps it was the party atmosphere, perhaps the fact that the girls were older - whatever it was though, it was a most lovely sight!!

Two Years Ago Today...

........when it was dark, they bundled her up in a pink and orange sweater, with a two toned blue hat firmly on her head and carried her to the social welfare institute, where they left her on the steps in a box with a bottle and a bag of formula. They attached a note with the day and time of her birth. They left, perhaps looking back again and again as the box got smaller and smaller until it was no longer in sight.

Are they thinking about her today? Are they wondering where she is? Do they have any idea what they are missing?

Perhaps they do.

Springtime in Tokyo

lots of people standing around taking pictures of blooming trees....
a picture I took as I stood around taking pictures of blooming trees....
this has nothing to do with spring, other than the fact it was a spring day, I just think she has the cutest butt...

Good Times...

This morning, after the breakfast of yogurt and cereal and juice and more yogurt and toast with peanut butter, she started dancing. She turned on the panda, which plays "Celebrate" and danced. Now, mind you, her dancing reminds me of Elaine on "Seinfeld" - jerky, stiff and uncoordinated, but I have to say with Ariana doing it, it just looked adorable. She kept playing the song (over and over and over and OVER AND OVER) until baba walked in and started dancing with her. They were both laughing and dancing and it was just the most wonderful way to start the day.