Family and Fish

With Jed nearby and Kelsey having a long weekend, the scheduling Gods were agreeable and we all met at Nana and Gramps for a long weekend. Looking back, it might have been the first time we were all together since before Ariana came home - it was really nice. Ariana really enjoyed her big brother and sister and they indulged her, allowing her to use them as ladders and pillows. Unfortunately, with Gramps under the weather, a blanket of sadness covered us all.

By looking at the clothes we were wearing, it seems strange we were in Florida - temperatures in the 40's and 50's meant no shorts, no t-shirts, no swimming. I took Ariana to a park to play and people were in gloves, scarves and hats. But she had a great time. The park had some really cool equipment - more like a sculpture garden than a playground. I shivered as she bounced from one piece to another.


Best of all, she got a ride from her big sister, which I think was the favorite part of the trip.

We stayed at Nana and Gramps place, in one of the guest apartments. It was nice being so close and not having to get in the car to go back and forth to a hotel. Ariana had mixed feelings about it though as she was the subject of so much attention. Since Arny's parents live in a senior residence, they don't see many little kids, so each one that shows up is treated like a celebrity. They had their work cut out for them with Ariana though, as she is mostly silent around strangers and the more they push the more she pulls away. The sense of victory showed when one of them could get her to even look at them and if she waved or actually spoke, the luckily individual had bragging rights for days. More often than not, their words were meant by a blank stare, or, if the conversation seeker was intrusive, a defiant look away. This frustrated them to no end, as they believed themselves to be "so good with children". Hah, not mine. She did take a liking to another guest there, a man who had a very large camera. Ariana took mine and they had a little contest, first snapping pictures of the fish in the large tank in the lobby and then of each other.

Perhaps she will take after baba and become a photographer..

A Good Deed...

"I want to do something more than donate cans of food", my friend says. We are talking about Haiti and the most recent scandal involving a religious group from the United States being arrested for trafficking children. My friend says she wants to look into adopting a Haitian child. "Now that we will be saving money on Billy's schooling, we have the money".

I know how easy it is to read the news media's reports on Haiti, seeing the pictures of the children sitting outside with no food and presumably no family and think how great it would be. Sure, you want to provide a child with a home and loving parents, sure you want to help, sure you want to be a parent (either for the first time or again). Watching the news and seeing the devastation that is Haiti - you can't help but think a child would be better off here, in a warm home with clean sheets and unlimited food.

I wonder though, how many of these people consider anything more than that? When my husband and I first talked about adoption, we certainly didn't - we were caught up in the "we want a child" bubble. It was only after our daughter came home did I really understand what it meant to adopt. Sure, I read as much as I could about every aspect of raising a child who came to the family by way of adoption, who came from another country, with a very different culture. Who was a toddler. And all of the reading helped, especially in the first few months. But it wasn't until she was here, in our home, that the full extent of the responsibility I had sunk in.

Adopting a child means you are also adopting a child's past. Whether a few days old or several years, they all have a history to deal with. Simply bringing a child to a new home, feeding, clothing and hugging them is only the first step. As parents of adopted children, we must walk a fine line between the past and present. Our children's past must be treated with the same respect as their present. That may not be easy when the circumstances are not ideal, but our children's self respect and sense of self is tied to their past just as it is their present. Celebrating their culture is celebrating a vital part of these children. It can be extremely challenging though, when you have knowledge that your child has experienced pain and suffering, when all you want to be angry at the people responsible.

I asked my friend if she understood that she would have to deal with the trauma any Haitian child. If she thought about how that trauma would present itself and if she had thought about how she would handle it. There was silence.

Adoption is not all hugs and kisses.

Prior to bringing our daughter home, we read many books and articles on the issues involved in trans racial adoption. We had anticipated a baby around one year old and when we actually received our referral, we started reading about adopting toddlers and the added needs they have. At 25 months, she was a little person. With language. With memories. With almost a lifetime in an orphanage, what emotions would she bring with her? After over 3 years at home, she still has trouble going to sleep by herself, much preferring to have someone there with her. The insecurity of meeting people for the first time, or being in a large group will sometimes render her mute. With little information on the specifics of her past, the cause is unknown. No matter, attention must be paid. These children of Haiti have a past that has been spread all over the news - I just wonder if the people who are clogging the phones of agencies all over have given that a thought.

Despite what you read in the media, adoption is not as simple as filling out a few forms and waiting. The forms fill a filing cabinet, the certification of those forms take money, the required education many, many hours. The approval process takes months and that is just for the US. There are an entirely separate process required by each country. Each country has requirements for who can adopt, so while you may be eligible in the US, you may not be in the country.

All children deserve to be in a loving home, but steps need to be taken to insure the children available for adoption truly are available. Recent reports of the group arrested for child trafficking makes me sick. Presented with brochures of swimming pools and classroom, Haitian parents sent their children away to what they thought was a school run by a minister, someone they thought they could trust. Little did they know that here in the United States, that same "school" was presented as a place where children eligible for adoption lived until "you are ready to give them a home". These people have somehow taken a religious calling and turned it into a business of deceiving parents into giving up their children. Isn't there a little something in the bible that says "thou shall not lie" - or what about "thou shall not steal?"

Attention must be paid, care must be taken - for the sake of these children.

Logic??

Ariana and I were supposed to be on a plane at 8am Saturday morning to visit Baba, Nana and Gramps in Florida, so of course, Murphy's Law sets in and Ariana gets sick. Since subjecting fellow passengers to the sniffles, sneezes, coughs and sniffle-sneeze-cough related whining of a five-year old is a form of sadistic torture I prefer not to inflict on humanity, I cancel the flight.
Or try to.
After signing in to JetBlue's website, a message appears saying that they are upgrading their reservation system and no services will be available. They instruct passengers who have to cancel or change a flight to go to the airport to do it.
Excuse me???
If I could go to the airport to change/cancel the flight, I would be on it.
I call the 800 number and Wayne, a very kind and polite man answers. Unfortunately, the system is down for this upgrade so he can't do anything about it. He suggests I call back around 2pm. Mmmmm Wayne, my flight is at 8am, so calling at 2 isn't really going to do me any good. He graciously gives me his "number" so I can prove I called before the flight, though there is no way for him to make any record of the call, given the system is down.
Throughout the day, I occasionally try to get through either by phone, but am told "we are experiencing a very high call volume".
Of course you are.

24 hours later, after waiting about 30 minutes "on hold", I am connected to Elisia, a lovely woman who feels my pain, as she is experiencing her own having to navigate an entirely new system.

I think they owe everyone a bag of Terra Blues.....

What A Difference A Day Makes

On Monday, our back yard resembled a waterfall after a drenching rain that with the freezing ground did not drench but rather cascade between the trees to descend ultimately down our driveway. There was really nothing to do but enjoy the view while it lasted.

Today, however, required the whole family's participation.

Yes, this is the same view.

What started out as a school day quickly turned into a snow day as the snow continued to fall quicker than anticipated. A "swell" they call it and I suppose for the many school children it was. For the parents, maybe not so much. 

Ariana and I spent the morning coloring, watching PBS Kids, playing on the computer and doing worksheets that I printed out from one of the many educational websites available. I figured we should do some sort of school work and since she actually likes filling in the blanks with letters and numbers, it seemed like the logical thing to do. As the weather started to clear, I debated going out to shovel. With baba away, it is my job and since I am too chicken to start the snow blower, I figured the exercise would do me good.... eventually. Still inside, we moved into the family room for some Wii time.

Whoever invented this should have a holiday named after them. The Wii is a brilliant devise that brings families together, improves reflexes, balance and coordination for kids and in most cases, just makes you laugh. If you have ever tried the Penguin game in WiiFit, you know what I mean. The funniest one I have found so far is a game where you must move your hips right, left, back or front so you hit the numbers so they add up to ten. Not only do you get a hip workout, but you improve your mind as well, since you have to quickly add up the numbers before you move. That may sound easy, but as someone who is directionally dyslexic, I am telling you it is not. Ariana likes the bicycle obstacle course and I enjoy watching her stamp up and down on the pad.

She had started on the "Snowball Fight" game when I realized "hey, we could do this outside".

At that moment, I looked and saw the neighbors on the driveway, so Ariana and I quickly got dressed and we went out - me to shovel and Ariana to play. Tess came as well and ran immediately to the big dog that belongs to the lady next door. 

The other neighbor. 

The unfriendly one. 

The one who has yelled at me twice already about Tess going onto her lawn.

Luckily, she was on her cell phone and so she only watched as Tess ran around on her lawn and Ariana followed her, sliding down her hill on her little butt. She didn't say a word to me about either of them. Perhaps she was too preoccupied with her conversation to get irritated. 

While I waited for another lecture on why I should prevent my dog from peeing on her lawn, I was busy shoveling. 

And shoveling. 

And shoveling. 

I did have help for a short time as Ariana decided that what I was doing looked like fun. Her shoveling lasted longer than I thought, but it didn't last that long as she preferred to make snow angels. Finally full of snow, she was ready to come inside and I had my fill of aerobic exercise, so in we went for some well deserved hot chocolate.

As the sun went down, we noticed little white flakes, gentle at first, falling from the sky. Heavier and heavier it came, prompting me to think I better get ready for more shoveling.

And more angels.

A Little Bit Bad

The other day, in an act I like to think of as a celebration of life, I bought Ariana a bag of Cheetos.

Earlier in the day, I had been discussing the very large topic of being a mother with a friend of mine, someone I consider an excellent mother who is currently plagued by the self-doubt that we all experience from time to time.  Many times this self-doubt involves food choices. Not satisfied with the common sense “healthy food in - junk food out “ mantra, we now torture ourselves with just how healthy our healthy food is. Whole wheat used to be good enough. Now, it must be whole grain, preferably organically grown whole grain. Low fat used to be good enough – now, only hormone, antibiotic free roaming cows milk will do. Or better yet, soymilk.  And God forbid you give your child something unhealthy, you risk the evil stares from parents whose mission in life is to educate you about what poisons you are feeding them or worse, you risk being told, “you know you are killing your child with that” (this was actually said to a friend of mine, I am not making this up).

Going to the store these days requires a lot of patience and a good pair of reading glasses to see the sometimes miniscule print in which the ingredients are listed.

As an experiment, I spent ten minutes comparing the leading organic Mac and cheese to good old Kraft – just to see the difference.  Between the chart and the really small print below the chart, which required me to hold the box at arm’s length under a strong light just to read, I was more than just slightly confused. The chart lists the stats for one cup “as prepared” and then a tiny little asterisk states “amount in mix when prepared”, with slightly different ones. What is the difference? No wonder parents are confused these days. The organic brand with all of its organic ingredients had less Calcium and Iron than the Kraft. It did have more protein, but also more fat if you add the butter, which is listed as a suggestion for “richer flavor”. It would also have more calories.  They were about equal on salt and carbohydrates. So, do you go for more vitamins or go the organic route? Therein lies the dilemma.

Recent events bring it all home for me. We have choices that are almost mind-boggling. Let’s look at milk. Generally thought of as a healthy food. Full of calcium and vitamin D – great for growing bones. Now comes the hard part. Full fat or low fat? If you are going low fat, do you buy 1 or 2%? Perhaps go for fat free? What about vitamin enriched? Organic or just hormone free? Regular old milk flavored or vanilla or chocolate or strawberry?

People in Haiti would settle for any milk at all. And so would most of the people in the world.

So why? Why do we torture ourselves? The quest to be perfect and worse put that expectation on our children is pointless, as life just doesn’t work that way. If you eat in a restaurant, go to dinner at a friend’s house or have your child play at another’s house, you have little control over the quality of what is served.  Sure, you can bring your own food, but do that and then take a look at your child’s face  - I don’t think it is a smiling one. 

So after swimming class, Ariana wanted a snack from the machine, this being a very fun thing for a 5 year old. So, we scanned the selections and while I suggested the popcorn or pretzels, her eyes were fixing on the little orange bag with the tiger on it. I thought of all the unhealthiness in that little bag – the mystery ingredients that contained the artificial colors and flavors I should shun. But, I also thought that standing there, I had the luxury of choice and every once in awhile it’s ok to make the choice to stop thinking and just listen to my child. So, as Ariana slipped the quarters one by one into the slot, I got ready to lift her up so she could push the magic numbers, and then we both watched as the little bag of delicious poison dropped into the slot.

She rode home in her booster seat, crunching away and when we got home, she proudly showed me her little orange fingers. With a big smile on her face. I have to tell you, that smile was worth a little badness.

Christmas in Connecticut

Well, I tried.

Having gathered all the pictures taken over the holidays and artfully arranged them for your viewing enjoyment, at this moment you were supposed to be looking at the first holiday season in our new home. The scene on Main Street during the event that starts off the season, filled with lights, horse drawn carriages, ice sculpture and Santa; the snow that has blanketed our lawn since late November; Baba gallantly clearing the snow with the snow blower; pictures of Ariana lighting the Hanukkah candles; Baba chopping down the Christmas tree; Ariana decorating the tree; our Christmas dinner with the Humphreys and my beautiful (if I do say so myself) Christmas pudding; Pictures of our trip to New Hampshire to see cousins Suzan and Woody - complete with the most beautiful blizzard I have ever seen; the fun time we had at Melissa and Kevin's Kwanzaa party; our New Year's Eve party with fireworks and funny hats; the snowman.

But, you will just have to use your imagination.

Because.

I cannot figure out how to get the pictures into the blog.

Because.

I got a new computer.

Because.

My old one kept shutting down for no reason.

Because.

It was a piece of crap.

So.

Baba generously buys me one as a combo Birthday/Christmas gift. And for some reason, my ability to learn yet one more machine has left me. With a move from one country to another and a new house, there are lots and lots of new instruction manuals piled up and waiting to be read. New phone, new car, new vacuum cleaner, new lawn mower (ok, that's Baba's job) and last but not least, the new computer.

I sit.

I read.

I get bored much to quickly to actually absorb any of the many instructions there are.

I try to find my way around and get the most basic stuff. But anything more than searching the web and sending email allude me. I have faced my loss in technological intelligence and signed up for one-to-one lessons they give in the Apple store. The first lesson was spent trying to figure out how to sync my computer to my phone without having my address book appear more than once. Simple solution? My instructor had to go and ask for help about 4 times and guess what? I still have my address book syncing twice. And he gets paid to help people.

So, you will have to trust me that we had a lovely holiday, Ariana continues to be adorable and our house is slowly shaping up. And, one of these days, I'll have pictures to prove it!!!

A Brief Announcement

Homeland Children's Foundation is run by the two women who were instrumental in assisting us bring Ariana home. They do wonderful work in China, providing health care, educational opportunities and much needed supplies to children currently living in orphanages. Clicking on the icon below will bring to you their page where you can find out more about the organization and how you can help.

Leaves

With guests gone, it is now time to set our sights back on the house - specifically the leaves that have surrounded us like a winter blizzard. Unable to see the grass underneath the vast autumn colored carpet of fading green, orange, scarlet and brown, we rake and blow, blow and rake, curse the fact that our inherited leaf blower is on it' s last legs and rake and mow some more. And the sadistic thing about it is, we can get every last leaf and tomorrow there will be more.

I take the adventurous, cardio burning route as in: "What fun it is to be outside as a family", "look at all the beautiful colors", "beats going to the gym and being stuck inside on sweaty machines". Arny, while everyday heading out to split logs, ever proud of his growing pile, has a very different opinion of the leaf removing task - "tell me again why we bought a house in the woods?". Ariana has the entrepreneurial viewpoint, stating "I'm going to do a lot of jobs and make a lot of moneys". Her "jobs" consisting of riding the Lighting McQueen car around the driveway and pushing at the leaves with a stick. She did rake a bit, but quickly tired of the repetitive nature of the task and went off to play in the ravine.

The weather was lovely yesterday and the cold air was crisp and clean. Today is another day - our piles still there waiting to be picked up. A quick look up at the treetops this morning and I can see a few stragglers - those leaves that are hanging on for that last bit of sun. I admire their tenacity, though sooner or later the rake will be adding them to the pile.

The Big Halloween Days

Day I - Friday, was filled with school parties. Ariana was so excited to be able to wear her costume to school.
Personally, I think the pink shoes and backpack with the Transformer costume was an inspired choice. She and "Dorothy" patiently waited for the school bus.

Once at school, there was a parade for all of the kindergarten kids and then a pumpkin making craft. Here Ariana's teacher is helping out.....

At home, we made the second pumpkin with our house guests and roasted yet more seeds. The anticipation was mounting but unfortunately, so was the rain. Add the flu for our three house guests and it was touch and go whether or not everyone would be able to participate on Saturday for the big events planned.

Saturday, part 2. Our guests had a quiet morning while Ariana went to her Chinese class - no Halloween celebration there; just learning.

Everyone was well enough for a little trick or treating, so we started around 4 to visit at a friend's house - the kids decided to catch some zzzzzzzzz's before the festivities.

We made our way into town where we went to a party and then visited house after house, filling our pumpkins with lots of candy and treats. Due to the rain, the big street is having their "stroll" tonight - we will see if we are up to putting on the costumes again. Here is our group - the dentist, the Hulk, Ms. Vampire and a french woman, little miss transformer, a dinosaur, a unicorn and Mr. transformer (there were many, many transformers last night)

Pumpkins and Leaves and other Fall Things

Every morning I take Ariana to the bus stop, I curse myself for not bring along a camera. For each morning brings another breathless sight as the leaves continue to change and the water on the like shines, mirroring the ducks as they swim back and forth in a tight procession. I will get pictures - one of these days.

Fall means apple picking, pumpkin carving and leaves. We are experiencing all of them thanks to the area we live in and our friends from Japan who are visiting, prompting us to leave the chores of the house and venture out.

Our first stop was the Blue Jay Orchards, where rows and rows of apple trees greeted us as we drove up. With five of us picking, it didn't take long for the bag to be filled. It will take longer to figure out what to do with them all.


While they are spending a few days in the city, my cousins Suzan and Woody came down to visit with home grown pumpkin in toe. Ariana helped water it when we were visiting them on their farm in New Hampshire and they were kind enough to bring it down with them.


Ariana had a fine time drawing the face - it seems all of her faces look like Ampanman.
My job was to scoop out all of the gook and separate the seeds for roasting. They are drying off as I type.

While all of this was going on, baba san was being manly:
We do have a fireplace after all................