Update Part 2

Well, after an early morning bonding session (from about 6 - 9am) where she would not let go of me or let me put her down for part of the time and basically was pretty pleased with me, she has returned to her "get away from me you scary person" mood.

She woke up early and I picked her up from her crib - she was fine and I just held her for a long time. We laid down on the bed together - her lying on top of me. She said "mam" in this little soft voice. She slept for a little while. She started to get restless again so we got up and walked, and sat, and walked some more. We went into the kitchen where she found the little packets of butter in the fridge and drank two bottles of milk (yes!!!). We went and sat in the bathroom, where we played with stuff and I used the little aspirator on her nose to suction out some of the gunk (ok, that is just gross!!) As a side note: yesterday when she was standing next to Baba san's side of the bed, she was picking her nose and then wiping it on the sheet - I thought this was hysterical; he was not happy.

Then we went and sat on the chair and almost fell asleep. When I tried to put her down, she suddenly woke up and kind of snapped, realizing it was me. Fun time over. She started screaming "mama", "mama" as if she was looking for someone and that's when it dawned on me.

After seeing her former caregivers yesterday, one of whom she likely thought of as her mama, she is just not ready to accept me as that yet. So, for now, Baba san and Jed are taking over:


Jed got right down to important business by letting her watch a James Bond movie followed by "Aquateen Hunger Force" with him while Arny takes a shower. From the look of it, she is quite enthralled - I will continue to provide her food and they will refer to me as "mama".

Thank you all for your kind words and support, both here and via email. I appreciate you all taking the time to share your experience and it does help tremendously. Feel free to continue to do so either here or by email - I am reading them all.

stay tuned.......................

Ok, Michelle - here is your update

The day started out well....we were friends......we got dressed, we ate breakfast and made out way downstairs and outside for the trip to the Civil Affairs office to complete the adoption.

The nannies from the orphanage were there and all gathered around Ariana to say hello. They kept pointing to me saying "Mama, Mama". That's when the trouble started....I went to pick her up and she started crying..Arny took her from me and from then on, I can't get near her. I tried holding her for awhile and she just cried. I thought perhaps she was just grieving, but she stopped as soon as Arny took her from me. I went out to the store and when I came back she was sleeping. When she woke up she saw me and started howling (welcome to motherhood!!) Arny took her and she stopped. Then, as you can see, they fell asleep peacefully. Everyone woke up to get ready to go out, but as I was trying to dress her she was crying so hysterically, I left without husband san or Ariana. I did what every self respecting mother does when shunned by their children...I went shopping!! To Walmart of all places to buy some more diapers and other assorted things. I'm back now and she is staring at me as she walks by really fast. At least she is not braking out in hysterics anymore.

This is actually a very normal reaction in adoption. The children will attach to one parent or the other. I know this in my head and I know it won't last.

But it's my heart that is hurting right now.

Crib Is Occupied

While most kids take about 17 years to hate their mothers, I achieved that feat in all of 3 minutes!! For awhile anyway. Once she realized she was being held by someone other than her nanny, she displayed the full range of a most heathy set of lungs that only stopped when Daddy san stepped in

See how calm and quiet she looks holding her little stuffed animal....




After an absolutely disasterous picture session, we made it back to the hotel where Jed and Daddy san undressed her. She was reluctant to let go of the shoes however (just like her mamma) so they left them on for awhile.
She spent about thirty minutes walking back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen, exploring everything.

Finally it was time for a diaper change, which I am proud to say I did beautifully.


>

16 months today our dossier got logged in to the China Center for Adoption Affairs, we will have our daughter. 16 months of job changes, moves across, birthdays, vacations, arguments and make up sessions.

In 2 1/2 hours I meet my daughter. As I sit here in the hotel early in the morning, I don't think how long the wait was, I just think that in two and a half hours, I will see the little face that I have been staring at since September. I will touch that little face that is filled with both fear and determination. I will hold my baby in my arms.

As I was making my coffee and waiting for the water to boil, I filled her little snack cup.
Her.
Little.
Snack. Cup.

Before I leave, I will pack her diaper bag with a few toys and diapers.
Her.
Diaper.
Bag.

These things are no longer items I bought for “the baby" they are hers now. They belong to someone now. They are Ariana's.

I do hope she likes them.

13 hours and Counting..

We arrived in Nanchang, unpacked, had dinner where we met the other families and shared our excitement and anxiety........and now we wait...........13 hours and counting................

Yes, It is Great

The Wall that is. After a quick stop at the Temple of Heaven, where I had my first meltdown as we saw a family with their Chinese daughter and I realized in 48 hours, that will be us, we made our way out to Mutianyu portion of the Great Wall. Today was the first snow in Beijing, and because that kept a lot of tourists away, we had the wall practically to ourselves.

these are some of the steps we had to climb. Yes, so in 48 hours, actually less than that as I just found out we will see our daughter for the first time at 11am on Monday, I will be a mom.

Since I have been here, I have been looking at women of all ages thinking "that could be Ariana". In a way, she is all of these women as this is her culture, her heritage, her beginnings. Brent explained today that the Chinese people's ways are influenced by both Buddhism and the teaching of Confucius - a combination of kindness and harmony. This is something I want to teach her, as her culture is more than pretty silk dresses, Chinese dance classes and Chinese New Year. This will also be the most difficult to teach, as we will be living in a very different environment. But I will try, because it is part of who she is.

Not Feelin The Frog

Me: Does it taste like chicken?
Husband-san: Actually, it takes like frog.

And it did. We went to Family Li’s restaurant tonight (thank you Yvonne). Down a hutong in northwestern Beijing, we were all a little nervous as we made our way down the narrow street. No sign on the door, this little restaurant is actually about six different tiny dining rooms joined by a narrow walkway. With little heat, we sat in a room with four tables, one of them taken by a group from Tokyo. Then the procession began. Over 30 little plates filled with all sorts of things were presented – two different kinds of bean curd, marinated shredded carrots, celery, fried bean curd, fried fish, scallops, abalone, Peking duck, pork, chicken, beef and yes – frog. Not just frog, but snow frog. It came mixed with custard and we stared at it for awhile. Husband-san was the first to be brave, and Jed and I soon followed.

It was a great dinner, despite the fact that Jed was "not feelin the frog"

Note to Self.....

1) check to see that the @!!! camera battery is fully charged and the @!#$%##@@back up battery still in the package works before setting out on the days very important tourist attractions.!!!!!!!!!

2) Young students who smile and start talking to you as you are walking down the street may be the young artists they claim to be and may in fact be exhibiting their artwork at a space right down the street, or, maybe not...

3) All of the little packs of tissues handed out as part of advertising on the streets of Tokyo come in very handy when you visit one of "those" bathrooms here in Beijing.

Yes, I admit it. I said many bad words (at the encouragement of Jed) as right at the beginning of our walk through the forbidden city the battery as my camera died and the backup battery was dead as well. I bought a disposable camera to fill in, so the picture of us having coffee at the Starbuck's in the Forbidden City will not be posted here. I did manage to take these though:

Forbidden City - the most incredible sight - I could have spent a whole day just wondering around the stone streets and beautiful buildings

Lots of construction in preparation for the 2008 Olympics.

Then after dropping the boys off at the hotel and recharging the batteries, I made my way to the Lama Temple:

There are different halls, all housing different Buddhas. The Yongyoudain hall held the most meaning for me as it holds three different Buddhas - the Buddha of past, present and future. I stood there a long time reflecting on how my life has changed in such a short time and how it is about to again even more so. The tile work is so beautiful...a very peaceful place in a very hectic city.

On my ride back, I got a glimpse of Beijing traffic as it was rush hour. It is a total free-for-all between the cars, buses, bicycles and pedestrians. There are traffic lights, but they seem more a suggestion than a rule.

stay tuned......

So Much for the Thanksgiving Peking Duck

Instead, we dined on the mystery meat on the ANA flight to Beijing and had burgers, cheese sticks and chicken wings (the last two were Jed's) at the hotel when we finally got checked in.

We were met at the airport by Grant, our guide, who drove us to the hotel and gave us a brief history of China, explaining a little of the city, mostly involving the millions of trees that are being planted to counteract all of the pollution. Even at night you could smell it - at first I thought there was something burning, but then realized this was just the air here in Beijing. Jed thought it smelled like snowboarding - something like the smell his snowboard gear took on after a day on the slopes...oooookkkkkaaayyyyy

stay tuned.....

Note to all the adoptive parents out there - the red bag in the picture is the diaper bag (thanks Chris and Declan) currently being used to carry all of the paperwork. Husband-san was carrying it and commented how heavy it was!!

In Six and a half hours..

we will be on a plane to Beijing. I have been on the verge of tears this morning, trying to concentrate on last minute packing and not to think too much about the way my life will change. How can one person be so excited and so scared at the same time?

A little person is sitting in an orphanage in China, having spent almost her whole life there, with her friends and caregivers, with the sounds and tastes and smells so familiar. Does she know that in a few days, she will be leaving all of that behind for a world filled with everything new?

Here I sit in my apartment in Tokyo, having spent my whole life only having to take care of myself, doing what I want when I want. In a few days, I will be responsible for this little person who needs so much...so much confort and love and patience and guidance.

I am ready................

I think??