“Mommy, what if they bring me girl presents?”

My daughter, while petite and delicate looking, prefers Stars Wars to Barbie. When given a choice, she will pick the blue, the black, the red over pink every time. About to turn 6, she has begun to face the disapproval. “Why do you play with boy toys?” she is asked at school. “Those shoes are for boys,” they say when she arrives wearing her Star Wars sneakers at camp.

Our policy for a long time has been that as long as she dresses herself, she can wear whatever she wants. That has led to some truly bazaar fashion choices, but so be it. I have learned from experience to take her shopping if I want to buy her clothes. Many times, after returning from a store where I thought I made a most appropriate choice, she would look at my purchase and exclaim "I don't like it". Thereafter, the offending item would hang limply in the closet, begging to be taken off the hanger. Now, she comes with me, and after the briefest visit to the girl section to search for things with cats (her latest thing), she heads to the boy’s section for t-shirts with pictures of trucks, dinosaurs and superheroes. Dresses are worn only when circumstance demands and are put on with not an ounce of enthusiasm. Last year, there was only one day, late in the school year, that she put on a dress on a weekday morning. I think it had something to do with her best friend, who was in a dress phase. We got an email from her teacher, exclaiming her shock at seeing Ariana in a dress for the first time, but complimenting her on her adorableness.

This year, in a concession to the comments, she wanted a pair of “girl shoes” too. So, in addition to the sneakers, she picked out a pair of sparkly pink ones. It is those she has been wearing to school, slightly disappointed they don’t light up and flash as she steps. I notice now that she chooses her footwear depending on where we are going. It saddens me to see her caving into her peer’s ideas of what is appropriate, though I smile as she pairs the pink sparkly sneakers with the Spiderman shirt.

As her birthday approaches, she is concerned that because she is a girl, she will get lots of “girl” stuff and not the building sets, light sabers and other Star Wars paraphernalia she craves. “What if I get a lot of girl presents?” she asked the other day. Rather than explain the concept of the “re-gift,” I talked about being grateful for any gift at all. I told her she should just say thank you.