Old Ladies and Babies

The residents here are all competing for Ariana's attention. So far, she has received two books and a teddy bear from women whose names I don't even know. And they brag..."she read the book I gave her over and over", "she carries the bear everywhere" - it is so funny.

Forgive the silence, but my mother has dial up and the slowest browser on the planet and I just got up the nerve to bring my computer where there is a wireless connection.

I am here for an extra week as doctor and health insurance issues demand my attention. Getting old sucks and dealing with an incredibly stubborn 95 year woman makes it even more frustrating. Realizing that I can't make her take care of herself better than she actually wants to has been difficult. Letting go is a concept I have never been good at and to let go of my mother's well being and accept the choices she makes has been emotionally draining. Combine all of this with the demands of a 2 year old has made my stay exhausting - the only relief being visits from family and friends. And of course the daily calls from baba-san.

Gotta run as Ariana has been patient enough, going through my wallet and appointment book. She has moved on to the pen, which she is starting to use on the table - not good!!!

buh

buh....buh...read....buh. This is what I am hearing at 1:40 am this morning. Ariana and I are down in Florida visiting my mother and we both seem to be waking up around 12:30 or 1am every night and staying up until 3 or 4, as we adjust to the 12 hour time difference. The "read" is self explanitory and "buh" means book. She is really into books now - which is great. At 1 in the morning, it's a fine activity. The same book seven or eight times is slightly mind numbing, but at this hour most things are mind numbing.

And I must say the cartoons are weird at this hour. Not the little kid stuff and certainly not comprehensible by most toddlers (I hope), but I watched "The Family Guy" last night and was quite amused.

I'll be here for a couple of weeks, dealing with health insurance and doctors and other things I have to deal with as the daughter of a 95 year old mother, who, sadly, is getting less capable of dealing with these things. It is sad to watch a formerly very independent and capable woman realize she is not so able anymore.

On a happier note, she and Ariana are bonding over crackers which my mom is supplying to her at a steady pace. They hold hands as they walk down the hall, my mother's cane in one hand and Arianas' in the other. They are making each other laugh, which makes me cry inside because I know they won't have many more moments together to do that.

Baba-san's parents came over from the west coast of Florida this afternoon and we all had a nice visit. They leave tomorrow as "aunty's" Julie and Michelle (bringing Mia) arrive. The residents here are all enthralled with Ariana - with two litte chinese girls running around, they won't know what to do with themselves. I cant' wait.

I would be writing more often, since at this hour there isn't much to do (besides reading the buh), but I am on a dial up connection and it is so rediculously slow, I just don't have the patience. I will try though...

The Hissy Fit

Ariana used to be a pleasant dinner companion.
She would sit.
She would eat.
She would look cute - quietly.

Not anymore.
She squirms.
She fusses.
She messes.
She wants to get down off her chair, run around, sit on the floor, lie on the floor, eat off the floor and otherwise make mealtime extremely chaotic. Eating with her is no longer a relaxing experience at all. Especially when she is doing all of this in a restaurant.

Last night we decided to put an end (or try to) to the bad dinner table behavior. After about two minutes in the booster seat, she held out her arms to me so that I would pick her out of her chair and hold her on my lap.
I said no.
She said "Down".
I said no.
She cried. We looked at her and continued our conversation.
She cried more. We looked at her more and kept talking.
She screamed. We kept talking - louder.
She starting kicking the table.
We laughed.
She threw her plate on the floor, still filled with the night's dinner. We told the dog to go eat it.
She wailed, looking at each of us for salvation.
We ignored her.
She starting pleading using every word she knew hoping one of them would work and we would respond.
We didn't.
She continued all of the above.
I put my foot on the bottom of the chair so she wouldn't tip over and she continued to wail and thrash about, as I was silently calculating the money I will have to put aside for therapy later on.
We finished our dinner.
She stopped briefly and I asked her if she wanted to get down.
She said "down" in an exhausted little voice.
I got her down.
She smiled.

Fast forward to today at lunch in a restaurant.
She sat.
She ate.
She looked cute.
Quietly.

Family

Ariana has been meeting more of her family over the past few weeks - big sister came to visit last month and we met some of her cousins yesterday. Kelsey's visit came at the same time as the anniversary of Ariana's abandonment. It made me think a lot about family and what that means for her. I don't mean the "family" one creates that is made of the people in your life who are the nearest and dearest and who you wish were part of your "family family". You people out there reading this know who you are. I mean the family one is born into - the blood kind.

In Ariana's case, there is no blood kind as there is no blood connection. Unless laws change in China that enable women to come forward without the threat of jail, or worse, she will never know who she got her eyes, her smile or her mischievous nature from.

She can however, look at us and see a connection - she enjoys shopping and new clothes like her big sister, doesn't like vegetables like her big brother, analyses things like her baba, appreciates a stylish shoe like her mama, eats things off the floor like her dog (I know, I'm stretching the family thing here), has a genuinely good heart like nanna and gramps and does not like the current president like her grandma (ok, perhaps I am projecting here, but she does get a distasteful expression every time his picture comes on television - could be gas, but I don't think so).

These traits, and there are many more both good and bad, that while not inherited in the usual way, make her who she is as an individual and as part of our family. I hope she learns to treasure the things that make her family unique, like the spelling of her last name, the genuine good nature and kindness, the silly sense of humor. I hope she can accept the "bad" things as well (notice how these are left unstated). For it will be all those things (and the acceptance of all those things) that makes her part of the wonderful little person she is today and will become in the years to come.

Brides and Blossoms...

...have arrived. In the short time we were away, what were barren trees are now overflowing with tiny and delicate pink petals, hanging precariously on branches until the first strong wind knocks them down.

Weddings held during this week are especially joyous and we had the honor of attending one on Saturday. One of baba-san's colleagues graciously invited both of us and so off we were to experience what we had only observed outside our window and further shame ourselves by being ignorant of Japanese traditions. While the actual ceremony is for family only, the reception is larger, with friends and colleagues invited as well.

First of all, when the invitation says noon, they mean noon. Not five after, not even 2 after - they mean noon. As it was the first time leaving Ariana (with April and Jed - it worked out wonderfully - apparently not a tear was shed), we ended up arriving at about five after 12 and were immediately spotted by a lovely woman in an exquisite kimono (one of several worn that day) who knew who we were (first sign we were in trouble). She ushered us downstairs and into the reception room where EVERYONE ELSE WAS SITTING DOWN WAITING....FOR US!!!!!). As weddings here are intricately orchestrated events timed down to the minute, any deviation is cause for concern. We immediately knew where we were seated, as the only two empty chairs sat quite obviously at a table in front of us. A detailed program was placed at our setting, listing everything from the schedule, which includes a presentation by the chef, the menu, the bride and groom's history and likes and dislikes (it even listed their blood type - T.M.I. perhaps??). The welcome introductions started as soon as we were seated and then the groom gave a toast. There were several speeches given - some in English and some in Japanese. It is customary for the groom's father to give a speech and this one was lovely. I can say this because he gave it in English. The groom's boss also gave a speech as did the bride's. This is customary in Japan. There is no best man, no "whoever wants to give a toast stand up" kind of thing. I do have to say all of the speeches (the ones I understood, that is) were beautiful and touching and humble and very Japanese.

In between the speeches they served a wonderful meal, with an even better dessert buffet afterwards. While outside, we all posed for a group photograph. It was all over by 2:30pm. At that time, the bride and groom said goodbye and left. That was our cue to pick up our gift bags (yes, in Japan guests receive a shopping bag filled with treats that is placed conveniently under ones chair), follow them out and go through the receiving line greeting both sets of parents and the bride and groom. As we left, he handed us a copy of the group photo we had posed for earlier.

What a great memento and a great day!!