Shopping

I walked down the isles thinking this shopping excursion would be fun. Ha!!

As I made my way through the store, getting close to the "baby" isle, my heart started to quicken - there it was, right in front of me. "I can do this" I thought, as I saw the baby bottles come into view. What??!! There was an entire wall of them - perhaps ten different brands, large, small, ones with little pictures on them, ones with slanted tops, ones that claim to be good for colicky babies - who knew??? I had a list with things to buy and bottles were on it, but which particular kind of bottles was I supposed to buy? I started sweating and looked to Arny for help. "I don't remember, it was a long time ago" he said, trying to be helpful (NOT!!!) but wanting to be anywhere else at the moment. "Thanks for the insight", I thought as the image of my child refusing all food because she didn't like the bottle came into my mind.

I searched and searched, my mind racing. I picked up the 4oz. bottles and threw them in the cart. No, wait, what if she wanted a lot. Should I get the 8oz. ones instead? My heart felt like it was about to explode from beating so fast as I was thinking "this shouldn't be this hard". Just then, Arny picks up the Platex Gift set containing a variety of sizes and nipples. Done!!! Have I ever mentioned that my husband is one brilliant man?

We moved on to the pharmacy area. He mentioned something about needing headphones and wandered off to the electronic area. Fine. Leave me in the middle of a panic attack. You know what I said about him being brilliant before? I lied.

P.S. I ended up with about half the items on the list, but I did by the Fisher Price Peek-A-Boo Alphabet blocks. My little gift to myself as my mind is such right now that playing on the floor with these adorable little things is about the only thing I'm capable of.

Bundle of Joy #1 Arrives

"UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is perfect and adorable and all ours! It is one experience I can only describe in person-an e-mail won't do it. We can't wait for you both to be where we are now. She is sitting on the bed playing with stackable cups in her diapers. She is smiling and giggling and has great eye contact. Can't wait for you to meet her."

Lori and Mark, in China


I can't think of a more glorious "wake up" e-mail.....................BIG SMILE!!!!!

The Crib

I did it. I went to the web, babycenter.com to be exact, and clicked and entered and clicked some more and found this:


My first major baby purchase. I held off on buying anything substantial until we got the referral, but we need to get all of the essentials and have them shipped to Tokyo at the end of June, when the rest of our stuff is going. We have to get it and put it together so that the movers can undo it and then pack it up again. Don't ask. Just pray the Japanese customs people don't read blogs or we will be paying oodles of dollars in added customs fees. Apparently shipping new things is a no no. Perhaps we will have our little neighbors, Jonathan and Jordan come over and jump on the mattress for awhile - Arny suggested this. He suggested they do this with their shoes on. Mmmmmm, kids jumping on the bed with their shoes on........is this wrong?

Ok, I'm Better Now

Ahhh, the frustration of an international adoption. The "not knowing" is just part of the whole process. In order to stay calm throughout this now ridiculously long journey, I organize and plan. It gives me something to do besides freak out. When those plans get changed, it breaks the whole facade of me having control over any aspect of this process and frankly, I don't like that facade broken. Intellectually, I know ever since I handed in my dossier with all of the documents required, I have no control over this process. But, it helps to delude myself into thinking I do.

But I don't. No one knows how many families will be matched each month. So each month, I troll the adoption boards to find any stitch of information that may comfort me. The rumors abound - from Australia to Spain - "they are matching only 4 days", "they are trying to match a whole month", "the CCAA is moving", "the CCAA is not moving", "the wait is going up to 14 months", "the wait is going down" etc., etc., etc. One waiting mom established an entire blog to compile all of the rumors and polls into one. So, instead of having to search the many different adoption boards, you only have to go to one - sort of like one stop obsessing.

But, it all means nothing until the actual referrals come out and the CCAA! posts the latest news on their website. Everyday I check to see if our date is on the lower right hand side completing the sentence "The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before....."

and each month I wait.........for my world to change in the most wonderful way....

Rant #1

We are treading the water of wait as the referrals slow to a trickle and we are still 6 weeks away based on our log in date of July 27. The China Center for Adoption Affairs just announced they matched families whose paperwork was logged in before June 16, 2005 - only 10 days worth of dossiers since last month. What was a six month wait when we started has turned into a year, or more. My carefully thought out plans in my last post are looking more and more unlikely and my patience is growing thin.

I WANT MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

As if Things Couldn't Get Any Crazier

It is official.

We are moving to Tokyo sometime towards the end of June or early July. Before we leave we have to find a shipper, get our visas and buy everything we need baby and teenager wise. Tess and I will travel to Florida to visit with my mother and set things up for her so my guilt at leaving a 94 year old woman to travel half way around the world is lessened as much as humanly possible. Tess must be brought to her "home-away-from-home" at Julie, Stuart and Jack's house. More guilt. Once we get to Japan, we have to find an apartment, find a social worker to do our homestudy update and wait for all of our worldly goods to arrive. Our referral should come sometime towards the end of July. Jed will be arriving to spend his junior year with us towards the end of August. We will travel to China towards the end of September, with a brief stop in Honolulu so TeeBeeDee will become a US citizen (and hopefully meet her big sister and her auntie "M") the beginning of October. TeeBeeDee and I will travel to New York to get Tess and then Florida to see grandma the end of November.

And then.............................I'll just pass out from all of the above excitement - properly insuring of course that I don't land on the baby.

Hugs

Hug #1

She folds into my body as if she belongs. Her warmth makes me smile as I hold her gently, allowing her scent to fill me. It feels so good. But then, when we are both so comfortable, she raises her head and reaches out for her mother.

Hug #2

He holds me gently, as I cry. He knows it's been difficult dealing with the upcoming changes, the fight for control over what is best for a young mind, the unpredictability of it all. He understands the need to let it go.....let it all go.....................