I Will Always Wonder

Last November, 27 people were arrested for child-trafficking in the Hunan province of China. They were accused of selling the babies to orphanages who then adopted them out to waiting families worldwide, including the United States. They were recently convicted and sentenced to between 3 and 15 years.

The Washington Post published a rather sensational version of the events of the trial, making the speculative leap that the children who were trafficked were "stolen" from their parents and then "sold" to eager U.S. families. The article insinuated that the child who belonged to the parents who were interviewed was kidnapped specifically for U.S. adoption. Given she was 16 months old at the time of the kidnapping, it is more likely she was kidnapped as a future wife for someone in China or for other unsavory reasons. However, as you can probably imagine, the U.S. adoption community is outraged and demanding action and accountability and reassurance that their children were not kidnapped from their birth parents. But there is a big difference between children being kidnapped and money changing hands for abandoned children.

My agency director said months ago that the reality is some babies are paid for. Not kidnapped, but money is exchanged by orphanage personnel to transfer children from one orphanage to another. It is a way for them to get money needed to keep the orphanages running. And yes, women are paid for their children - they are given money for the child they otherwise would leave on a doorstep or in a field. In China, there are many social, political and economic issues we, living in a democratic society, can't even begin to understand. Therefore, as disturbing as this is, I cannot judge without knowing all of the details, not just some sordid ones printed in an article.

Yes, I'm sure there are some unscrupulous people in China taking advantage of the situation, just like there are here. And yes, we can and should question our agencies more. But the reality is we are dealing with a communist country - a country that by political system and culture works very differently than ours. What we "can demand" is very limited. And, I dare say for most of the people waiting for their children, turning around and saying "no, I don't want my referral until I can be assured everything is "kosher" is not a possibility.

Do I wish this issue was not at all part of the process? Absolutely. Do I wish I could be 100% assured my child was left under completely loving circumstances? Yes. The reality is, I will never know with certainty the exact circumstances of my child's history. Whether her mother left her mourning the loss, or dropped her in a field not interested in her because she wasn't a boy. Whether her husband's family took her away without her knowledge. I won't know. Whether she stood hidden in the market where she left her child in a basket of freshly picked vegetables and waited tearfully until she saw she was found, or handed her over to a "baby broker" in exchange for a little money. I won't know.

I guess my point is there is no certainty in Chinese adoption. It is probably a little worse than we think, and probably better than a lot of other places. Should we question things? Yes. Personally, will I refuse to deal with China until they prove to me they have every little kink in the system worked out and that it is 100% honest? No. I will work with them with the understanding the system is not, and will never be, perfect.

And my incredible joy at being able to parent this child will be forever be balanced with the thought that on the other side of the world, someone lost that opportunity because of a political and economic system in which they had no control.