Family and Fish

With Jed nearby and Kelsey having a long weekend, the scheduling Gods were agreeable and we all met at Nana and Gramps for a long weekend. Looking back, it might have been the first time we were all together since before Ariana came home - it was really nice. Ariana really enjoyed her big brother and sister and they indulged her, allowing her to use them as ladders and pillows. Unfortunately, with Gramps under the weather, a blanket of sadness covered us all.

By looking at the clothes we were wearing, it seems strange we were in Florida - temperatures in the 40's and 50's meant no shorts, no t-shirts, no swimming. I took Ariana to a park to play and people were in gloves, scarves and hats. But she had a great time. The park had some really cool equipment - more like a sculpture garden than a playground. I shivered as she bounced from one piece to another.


Best of all, she got a ride from her big sister, which I think was the favorite part of the trip.

We stayed at Nana and Gramps place, in one of the guest apartments. It was nice being so close and not having to get in the car to go back and forth to a hotel. Ariana had mixed feelings about it though as she was the subject of so much attention. Since Arny's parents live in a senior residence, they don't see many little kids, so each one that shows up is treated like a celebrity. They had their work cut out for them with Ariana though, as she is mostly silent around strangers and the more they push the more she pulls away. The sense of victory showed when one of them could get her to even look at them and if she waved or actually spoke, the luckily individual had bragging rights for days. More often than not, their words were meant by a blank stare, or, if the conversation seeker was intrusive, a defiant look away. This frustrated them to no end, as they believed themselves to be "so good with children". Hah, not mine. She did take a liking to another guest there, a man who had a very large camera. Ariana took mine and they had a little contest, first snapping pictures of the fish in the large tank in the lobby and then of each other.

Perhaps she will take after baba and become a photographer..

A Good Deed...

"I want to do something more than donate cans of food", my friend says. We are talking about Haiti and the most recent scandal involving a religious group from the United States being arrested for trafficking children. My friend says she wants to look into adopting a Haitian child. "Now that we will be saving money on Billy's schooling, we have the money".

I know how easy it is to read the news media's reports on Haiti, seeing the pictures of the children sitting outside with no food and presumably no family and think how great it would be. Sure, you want to provide a child with a home and loving parents, sure you want to help, sure you want to be a parent (either for the first time or again). Watching the news and seeing the devastation that is Haiti - you can't help but think a child would be better off here, in a warm home with clean sheets and unlimited food.

I wonder though, how many of these people consider anything more than that? When my husband and I first talked about adoption, we certainly didn't - we were caught up in the "we want a child" bubble. It was only after our daughter came home did I really understand what it meant to adopt. Sure, I read as much as I could about every aspect of raising a child who came to the family by way of adoption, who came from another country, with a very different culture. Who was a toddler. And all of the reading helped, especially in the first few months. But it wasn't until she was here, in our home, that the full extent of the responsibility I had sunk in.

Adopting a child means you are also adopting a child's past. Whether a few days old or several years, they all have a history to deal with. Simply bringing a child to a new home, feeding, clothing and hugging them is only the first step. As parents of adopted children, we must walk a fine line between the past and present. Our children's past must be treated with the same respect as their present. That may not be easy when the circumstances are not ideal, but our children's self respect and sense of self is tied to their past just as it is their present. Celebrating their culture is celebrating a vital part of these children. It can be extremely challenging though, when you have knowledge that your child has experienced pain and suffering, when all you want to be angry at the people responsible.

I asked my friend if she understood that she would have to deal with the trauma any Haitian child. If she thought about how that trauma would present itself and if she had thought about how she would handle it. There was silence.

Adoption is not all hugs and kisses.

Prior to bringing our daughter home, we read many books and articles on the issues involved in trans racial adoption. We had anticipated a baby around one year old and when we actually received our referral, we started reading about adopting toddlers and the added needs they have. At 25 months, she was a little person. With language. With memories. With almost a lifetime in an orphanage, what emotions would she bring with her? After over 3 years at home, she still has trouble going to sleep by herself, much preferring to have someone there with her. The insecurity of meeting people for the first time, or being in a large group will sometimes render her mute. With little information on the specifics of her past, the cause is unknown. No matter, attention must be paid. These children of Haiti have a past that has been spread all over the news - I just wonder if the people who are clogging the phones of agencies all over have given that a thought.

Despite what you read in the media, adoption is not as simple as filling out a few forms and waiting. The forms fill a filing cabinet, the certification of those forms take money, the required education many, many hours. The approval process takes months and that is just for the US. There are an entirely separate process required by each country. Each country has requirements for who can adopt, so while you may be eligible in the US, you may not be in the country.

All children deserve to be in a loving home, but steps need to be taken to insure the children available for adoption truly are available. Recent reports of the group arrested for child trafficking makes me sick. Presented with brochures of swimming pools and classroom, Haitian parents sent their children away to what they thought was a school run by a minister, someone they thought they could trust. Little did they know that here in the United States, that same "school" was presented as a place where children eligible for adoption lived until "you are ready to give them a home". These people have somehow taken a religious calling and turned it into a business of deceiving parents into giving up their children. Isn't there a little something in the bible that says "thou shall not lie" - or what about "thou shall not steal?"

Attention must be paid, care must be taken - for the sake of these children.

Logic??

Ariana and I were supposed to be on a plane at 8am Saturday morning to visit Baba, Nana and Gramps in Florida, so of course, Murphy's Law sets in and Ariana gets sick. Since subjecting fellow passengers to the sniffles, sneezes, coughs and sniffle-sneeze-cough related whining of a five-year old is a form of sadistic torture I prefer not to inflict on humanity, I cancel the flight.
Or try to.
After signing in to JetBlue's website, a message appears saying that they are upgrading their reservation system and no services will be available. They instruct passengers who have to cancel or change a flight to go to the airport to do it.
Excuse me???
If I could go to the airport to change/cancel the flight, I would be on it.
I call the 800 number and Wayne, a very kind and polite man answers. Unfortunately, the system is down for this upgrade so he can't do anything about it. He suggests I call back around 2pm. Mmmmm Wayne, my flight is at 8am, so calling at 2 isn't really going to do me any good. He graciously gives me his "number" so I can prove I called before the flight, though there is no way for him to make any record of the call, given the system is down.
Throughout the day, I occasionally try to get through either by phone, but am told "we are experiencing a very high call volume".
Of course you are.

24 hours later, after waiting about 30 minutes "on hold", I am connected to Elisia, a lovely woman who feels my pain, as she is experiencing her own having to navigate an entirely new system.

I think they owe everyone a bag of Terra Blues.....