Just Say No

I want to know who the sadistic somebody who decided it would be a grand idea to have the girl scouts annual cookie drive the exact same time of year that I, a confirmed couch potato, and people like me everywhere, are starting their annual migration from the comforts of their own home into a pair of sneakers and out the door to try to work off some of the excess that has not so magically appeared after a winter of holiday dinners and hot chocolate.

At every entrance to every drug, grocery or convenience store are cheerful little girl scouts beckoning you to the table filled with boxes upon boxes of Daisy Go Rounds, Do-Si-Dos, Samoas, and my particular favorite, Thin Mints. Healthy-eating grocery list in hand, it is hard to resist their hopeful little faces as they ask, “would you like to buy some cookies?”

No. Actually I don’t. My cute little muffin top is now a soufflé large enough to serve eight and the extra large sweatshirt I am wearing will hopefully cover up the fact it is jiggling like a bowl of Jell-O. I can’t fit into most of my pants; the “must have shrunk in the dryer” excuse just isn’t cutting it any more. My single chin has doubled as so does the amount of time it takes me to get dressed in the morning searching through my closet for something I can fit into.

I am standing here in my sweat pants and sneakers, having just ran (ok, walked briskly) 3 miles for the first time in months, with a very short list of high protein, low carb ingredients that will not only slim me down, but fill me up with enough antioxidant rich, immune system building, toxin fighting food to lower my Wii fit age to something below senior citizen. A box of Tagalogs just does not fit into that equation.

So, take your corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, your artificial color and flavor and try to work your magic with all of the anorexic women who think the skin and bones look is an attractive one. They could use a little giggle.