Tuesday, October 31, 2006
All Ready...
and still waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Most agencies have received their family's travel authorizations and already have their travel dates. Perhaps the adoption gods think our group needs to be eating more chocolate or drinking more cosmos and therefore have delayed ours in the hopes that we will reach the chocolate/alcohol quota set by the quota setting god. Frankly, I thought I surpassed both quotas a long time ago, but I am happy to oblige if it means we will get our TA soon.
We did, as you can see, finally!!!! get the crib, after two other failed attempts. Arny and I put it together on Sunday, and I've been staring at it ever since. I made the bed and put in the stuffed animals and now it sits, waiting, just like me.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
My Version of Heaven
You see, Jed-san has a habit of leaving things around the house..things like plates and dishes and empty bottles and things. So today, we decided to MAKE HIM PAY!!!!!
Barely awake, we lulled him into a false sense of security by making breakfast and inviting him to join us. This was his first mistake. He actually got out of bed, came to the table in the usual Sunday morning stupor and ate.
Then, the fun began. We very calmly told him that his typical teenage slobbiness was not acceptable and that his penance was to do the breakfast dishes - not just his plate, but everything else. Looking stunned, kind of like a deer caught in headlights, he slowly picked up his dish and made his way to the kitchen, perhaps thinking this was all a bad dream. But NOOOOOOO, as the realization hit him that he was not sleep walking but in fact fully awake, he did realize for the first time that he never should have woken up this morning. Slowly he made his way back to the dining table to get our dishes, taking a quick slug of husband-sans champagne for which he was promptly chastised. Diligently he cleaned and washed and cleaned some more, probably cursing us with every stroke of the sponge. Finishing, or so he thought, he quickly headed for his room. NOT SO FAST BUDDY. I laughed as I entered the kitchen, seeing the eggshells and empty coffee cups still in the sink and the bacon pan still on the stove. "Jeeddddd" husband-san bellowed as I retired to the dining room to luxuriate in the knowledge that I DON'T HAVE TO DO THE DISHES!!!!
So here I sit, listening to husband-san instructing Jed on
the proper way to clean a pan, load the dishwasher and operate the disposer.
this is the best Sunday ever!!
Worry
To worry.
The past week has been consumed with worry. Of things real and imagined. The worried has created doubt. Am I prepared? Am I ready? Really and truly am I ready?
I am afraid.
Of the worry.
Of the reality.
The reality of having a child and worrying. Constant in the background of everyday life. Along with the laughter, the excitement, the joy, this will be the reality for ever now.
The worry.
And there is so much to worry about. Nobody tells you to imagine the worry. How would you to that anyway?
Is she ok?
Is she on track?
Is she growing?
Is she eating enough?
Is she happy?
Does she hate us yet?
Does she have enough toys?
Are they the right toys?
Does she have friends?
Are they the right friends?
Who exactly are the "right" friends?
Is she doing her homework?
Is she keeping up at school?
Does she hate us yet?
Is she wearing too much pink?
So, while I should be excited, I am concerned. Where there should be a smile, there is a frown, a furrowed brow, a knot in my stomach.
I am worrying.
As husband-san says, “Welcome to parenthood”.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Tick, tick, tick........
While I wait, I stare. I stare at her picture trying to divine some insight into what is going on in her little mind. As the waiting continues, so do the questions, with no end in sight. So does the worry. I suppose this will be in my life for a long time now. The waiting…waiting for her…waiting for the first smile….waiting for her first word in English….waiting for the first hug - The questions.....is she all right.......is she happy......will everything be ok? The worry.............was she in the orphanage too long? was she fed enough?
Husband-san has made it not so bad though. Pure of heart, clear in intent, calm in resolve, strong in faith - all at a time with so much uncertainty about this little person joining our family. All at a time that I need it, because without it, and him, I would be falling apart. But I'm not. Because of him. Have I told you how much I love my husband-san???
Friday, October 20, 2006
Who dressed our Child???
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Franciscans
Saturday morning Debra and I went to a rummage sale at the Franciscan church, spending hours pouring over the mounds of baby clothes. Taking my cue from Debra, an expert in rummaging, I threw everything I thought might fit into a big garbage bag and then, after my eyes started glazing over, pulled the bag over to a corner and sat down to go through my haul. So much pink!!! As people politely (this is Japan) stepped over us, we sorted and debated and traded until we had used up every bit of fashion judgment we had and called it a day. 3500 yen later (about $30 US), I had two shopping bags filled with the least frilly but still mostly pink clothing – most barely worn. After a deep breath, we checked our clothing bags and moved into the “toy” room. I lasted only a few minutes, but long enough to pick up a few things – all very educational and not pink. Finally done, we stopped outside and ate at the little “restaurant” set up in front of the church, where we caught our breath, watched the activity and congratulated each other on our fabulous finds. Now, neither of us are quite sure exactly what “Franciscans” are, but they do put on a fine sale.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Our Phoenix
I see that thoughtfulness in her pictures - an old soul is my little one. The weight of her experience so far is evident on her face, as is the resillience mentioned in her report. And I know she was loved. And I mourn. I mourn for the loss she has suffered. I mourn the loss her birth parents felt living under a system which left them no choice. No choice but to do what they did in the hopes their child would be taken care of. And she was, by some very caring people. And she will be...forever and ever.
Monday, October 09, 2006
A Baby in the House
This is Maya and Angelina. They came over to play yesterday with their parents. Actually, it was our first time entertaining - we had a barbeque, with hamburgers and hot dogs, cole slaw and potato salad - very American.
It was also the first time with a two year old in the house and I must say, it was enlightening. Arny got very nervous when Maya went over to the glass window (which goes from floor to ceiling) and put her hands on it – he knew it was securely attached to the building but still; he now wants to get a piece of furniture to block access as the thought of Ariana flying through the air nine stories to the ground was too much for him to even contemplate.
Getting used to someone that is knee high will take some time. I had to think and look down before I moved for fear of knocking her over as she would silently come up next to me.
There will be no more things artfully arranged on the coffee table, or any low surface for that matter. They are curious little buggers, aren’t they?
And yes, the bamboo shoots I have in vases on the floor must be moved.
Note to self: locks on cabinets, locks on cabinets, locks on cabinets!!!
But on the other hand, hearing the squeals of joy and laughter as she found something new, watching her smile with satisfaction as she rolled the big medicine ball to me in the hall and listening to this adorable one speak Japanese was priceless!!
I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait.......
Friday, October 06, 2006
Ariana
Though not evident in the pictures, she does smile.
She is quiet and shy (just like I was when I was little)
She likes music - and dances to it (again, just like her mama)
She likes to rock on a rocking horse (note to self - go back to Toys r'us!!)
She likes to cry (ok, not to happy about this one!!)
Is cooperative when getting her clothes put on (this is good)
These little snippets of information make her that much more real. The other day I took out a tape measure and measures up from the floor her reported height.
She comes up to the middle of my thigh....................just imagine.......
“Gaijin mommy, gaijin”
...the little boy excited said to his mother over and over, as he pulled on her shirt and pointed. His mother, irritated not only at the boy continual chant, but at the possibility we knew what he was saying, kept shushing him, to no avail. You see, Gaijin is generally thought of as a derogatory word meaning something in between "foreigner" and "invading devil" in Japanese. Personally, I thought it was funny; both the boy and mother’s reaction. We were on the monorail out to Odaiba, an area of Tokyo newly developed. It is a beautiful ride over the Rainbow Bridge. We went to finally buy a couch to replace the one that wouldn't fit into our apartment, which we did, and get husband san some jeans (also did).
We also ventured into Toy’s r us. Having had a previous experience with Toys r us, written about in an earlier post last year, I am surprised I actually wanted to go. But then again, that was before I had anyone specific to buy things for. It was surprising in both a good and bad way.
Good - it was not nearly as crowded as the ones in the states.
Bizarre - seeing many recognizable toys sitting on the shelves with Japanese packaging.
Bad – Branding, branding, branding!! Japanese are big on brands here; most clothing has some sort of writing on it, but toys! I don’t think there was one item in the store that was not representative of a larger brand. They even had a play sized McDonald’s restaurant. Why????? I couldn’t find what I was looking for – an etch-a-sketch. Or any other simple basic toy that just was what it was.
Bad – no asian looking dolls. Lots of caucasion looking ones, but not one asian one. No wonder Japanese teenage girls are dying their hair blond and getting eye lid surgery. Sad.