Ariana has been meeting more of her family over the past few weeks - big sister came to visit last month and we met some of her cousins yesterday. Kelsey's visit came at the same time as the anniversary of Ariana's abandonment. It made me think a lot about family and what that means for her. I don't mean the "family" one creates that is made of the people in your life who are the nearest and dearest and who you wish were part of your "family family". You people out there reading this know who you are. I mean the family one is born into - the blood kind.
In Ariana's case, there is no blood kind as there is no blood connection. Unless laws change in China that enable women to come forward without the threat of jail, or worse, she will never know who she got her eyes, her smile or her mischievous nature from.
She can however, look at us and see a connection - she enjoys shopping and new clothes like her big sister, doesn't like vegetables like her big brother, analyses things like her baba, appreciates a stylish shoe like her mama, eats things off the floor like her dog (I know, I'm stretching the family thing here), has a genuinely good heart like nanna and gramps and does not like the current president like her grandma (ok, perhaps I am projecting here, but she does get a distasteful expression every time his picture comes on television - could be gas, but I don't think so).
These traits, and there are many more both good and bad, that while not inherited in the usual way, make her who she is as an individual and as part of our family. I hope she learns to treasure the things that make her family unique, like the spelling of her last name, the genuine good nature and kindness, the silly sense of humor. I hope she can accept the "bad" things as well (notice how these are left unstated). For it will be all those things (and the acceptance of all those things) that makes her part of the wonderful little person she is today and will become in the years to come.
2 comments:
So beautifully written.There is a daughter of a feminist writer, who recently remarked after giving birth to her first child, she could never love and adopted child as much as she could love a biological child. Of course I disagree with her on this.
There is so much love in this blog, and there was so much love for Ariana before this blog was written that it's hard to believe anyone could make such a comparison.
Ms. Walker is like many people in the world ignorant about adoption. Perhaps she truly believes that her ability to love somehow has something to do with biology. How sad...she doesn't know what she is missing.
Post a Comment