....the clock ticks behind me, reminding me I am waiting. Waiting for the travel authorization that the Chinese government sends giving us permission to come and get our daughter; waiting for the US consulate appointment, which we need before we make any travel plans; waiting to get on that plane that will take us to Feng Feng. Mondays are always quiet and the worst day, as it is still Sunday in the U.S. The silence is gigantic. It envelopes me like a giant balloon with only the tick, tick, tick for company. And it gets worse with each passing day with no word.
While I wait, I stare. I stare at her picture trying to divine some insight into what is going on in her little mind. As the waiting continues, so do the questions, with no end in sight. So does the worry. I suppose this will be in my life for a long time now. The waiting…waiting for her…waiting for the first smile….waiting for her first word in English….waiting for the first hug - The questions.....is she all right.......is she happy......will everything be ok? The worry.............was she in the orphanage too long? was she fed enough?
Husband-san has made it not so bad though. Pure of heart, clear in intent, calm in resolve, strong in faith - all at a time with so much uncertainty about this little person joining our family. All at a time that I need it, because without it, and him, I would be falling apart. But I'm not. Because of him. Have I told you how much I love my husband-san???
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Now you are not just waiting. Now you are part of a slow beautiful dance like Tai Chi moving slowly through space and time toward the moment when your little one is in your arms. May I say how nicely you dance?
Best to all of you.
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