You think she would have cried....

...........just a little bit.......

Today was her first day of pre-school. Backpack packed, we left the house not knowing what to expect. Arriving at the school a little early, she looked around expectantly as I filled out the paperwork. As the children started to arrive, she recognized a few she met the previous week at the trial class. She took off her shoes and entered the classroom, walking around and letting herself be led by one of the teachers to the "ball pit" to play.

I stood around talking to the teachers and answering more questions as she was helped out of the pit and went to play with the other kids. I could tell she didn't quite know what was going to happen and mentioned a couple of times to her that she was going to stay and play and I was going to leave.

Finally, it was time.

To Leave.

To Leave.

Ok, I'm leaving.

"Bye".

I left the room and stood for a minute or two for "the sound".

The sound of fear, of "mama don't leave", of "I need you".

There was silence.

Ok.

Ok?

oookaaay.

I left, holding the phone "just in case they needed to reach me", as I had mentioned quite a few times to both teachers and the women at the front desk.

Four hours later, the phone not ringing once, I re-entered the school, trying to stay hidden so I could watch her. One of the boys pointed and said "Ariana mama" and I ducked back, waiting for a sound.

There was none.

Finally, she saw me and smiled a huge grin, running to me and then turning and running away. The kids were playing a game and she wanted to continue to play and I watched as she ran to me and then away, laughing.

She was happy.

I left the entrance and that is when "the sound" started. I went back into view and she kept crying, so I went in and held her and told her I would always be there to pick her up.

And I did.

And held her tight and that is what she seemed to need at that moment as she stopped crying immediately and was still.

I held her tight as that is what I needed at that moment.

To let her know I would always be there.

To pick her up.

We finished the class together and she got her new little school bag and climbed into her stroller and immediately fell asleep.

A trying day for us both.