The "Spouse" - Rant #2

Husband-san hands me the envelope upon his arrival home. All is well........ so I thought!!

Yesterday I make a trip to the bank to get the PIN number set up for my card, make a withdrawal and hand the paperwork with the missing credit card information in. You see, we got a letter in the mail saying we had not answered all of the questions and included was a form with the missing information highlighted. The questions we had missed had to do with the number of employees in Husband-san's company (did I miss something, but what exactly does that have to with us getting a credit card?)

As I am filling out the withdrawal slip, Nice Bank Lady #1 approaches and gently hands me my "number" - the one I had not taken as soon as I walked in from the little machine that hands them out. Thanking her and apologizing, I return to filling out the slip. I then wait in the comfy leather chairs for my number to be called. Yes, rather than standing in line to see a teller, you take a number. There are big, overstuffed chairs and magazines to read while you wait. After about five minutes, I hear my number and Nice Bank Lady #1 comes over to show me exactly to which counter I am expected. Nice Bank Lady #2 has a smile ready as I approach:

Wife: Konnechiwa (this means good afternoon - aren't you impressed I know this?)

NBL#2: Konnechiwa

Wife: (sliding withdrawal slip towards her) I would like to make a withdrawal.

NBL#2: Ah, yes. Can you re-write the account number and sign your name here? (I had crossed something out on the slip and they don't like this.)

Wife: Sure. (I do this - thinking "I knew this and should have just filled out a new slip before I came up here".)

NBL#2: Thank you very much. Do you have your ATM card with you?

Wife: Yes and I need to get a PIN number for it.

NBL#2: Oh. Yes. You got that when you open account.

Wife: I'm sorry, I didn't.

NBL#2: Ohhhhh. Usually you get that when you open account.

Wife: I understand, but I didn't. At least I don't remember picking one out. Let me try. (I slide the card through the card reader using my usual PIN number thinking perhaps I did select a PIN number and forgot- nothing). See, I'm sure I didn't select one when I opened the account.

NBL#2: You opened it here?

Wife: Yes.

NBL#2: Yes, well you usually pick one out when the you sign up. (I heard you the first two times, ok???) Ok, well you will have to fill out a change password form . (what??!)

(She runs and gets me another number which is for the customer service people - I am starting to think very bad words. She returns with the number and leads me back to the very comfortable chairs. Nice Bank Lady #1 re-appears and takes me over to a desk):

NBL#1: So, you are the authorized card holder?

Wife: Uh, no, my husband opened the account. (oh, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it!!)

NBL#1: Ah, I see. You do have a PIN number. It is your husband's PIN number.

Wife: His number works for my Card? (what?????!!!!!!)

NBL#1: Yes, it does.

Wife: Ah, I see. (thinking " I don't **&^%$!!! believe this!!! I don't even get to pick my own PIN number. Why put my name on the card if I can't even pick my own number??! Why didn't they just put "DiLaura Wife" on the card, or better yet "DiLaura Dependent", or maybe even "DiLaura person we don't trust with her own account") I didn't realize, you see this is my first time here.

NBL#1: Ah, yes, this happens a lot. It takes time to get used to a different culture and the way things are done. (oh my God, she sounds like me !!! I never realized how annoying it is and I swear right here never say things like this again.)

(I then go and sit in the comfy chairs again waiting to go back to the teller and get my, no correct that, "husband-san's" money. Nice Bank Man #1 calls my number. It takes me a minute to realize this as I thought I had just been helped, but I raise my hand and say:)

Wife: That's me. I've actually been helped already. (He looks nervous - as if he thinks he did something wrong. I realize this and say):

Oh, but I need to hand this in. (I then hand him the credit card form).

Nice Bank Man #1: (Taking the paperwork and looking it over carefully) Oh, I'm sorry, we can't take this here. You need to send this in.

Wife: I'm sorry, But I filled out the application here.

Nice Bank Man #2: Yes, I'm sorry, but then it is sent to the credit card company. This letter came from them. Here, I will go get you an envelope.

(He jumps up before I can tell him I already have one. He returns shortly later and proceeds to put the paperwork in the envelope. It is taking more time than it should as it is not quite folded properly and his hands start to shake a little at the prospect of not actually being able to do it. Triumphantly, he finishes and hands the envelope to me.)

Wife: Thank you so much (someone just shoot me now, please.)

(NBL#2 beckons me over to counter, where NBL#1 is waiting. I get the feeling this isn't good)

NBL#2: Yes, well, there is a problem. I'm sorry, but you see since you are not the authorized card holder, you are not allowed to withdraw money from the teller. (Oh, you've got to be kidding!!!!)

Wife: Oh.

NBL#2: You can use the machines to withdraw the money though. (ok, where is the gun...get me the gun!!!)

Wife: Oh good. No problem then, thank you. (Wait, why am I thanking them??)

NBL#2: Well, the amount you want to withdraw is more than is allowed by the bank. It is possible to raise this limit, but your husband will have to call. Here is the phone number.

(At this moment I want to hurt someone. Anyone, it really doesn't matter who. I want to hurt them really bad. But instead I politely say:)

Wife: OOKayyyy, so if he calls in, I will be able to use the machines.

NBL#2: Yes, right away.

Wife: Thank you so much (die!!! All of you just die!!! NOW!!!!) Is there somewhere I can use my phone. I don't want to disturb anyone.

(She points me over to another comfy chair area and I try to reach Husband-san, but he is not answering the phone. I sit for a minute realizing if ever I have anything important to do, I will need enough time to be able to do it twice, since the procedures here are so insane. I get up to leave, of course thanking everyone for their help - NOT!!!. As I walk out the door, NBL#1 calls to me. I look back and she is running towards me. I think to myself 'please, just leave me alone. Do not say one more thing that is going to make me want to hate you'.)

NBL#1: I wanted to tell you to make sure to tell your husband that when he calls to increase the limit, to have him increase the limit on both the bank machines and the non-bank machines (ATMs at 7-11, the post office,etc.). But, the limit for the non-bank machines can't be more than the bank machines. This is very important.

WIFE: Thank you, thank you very much.

I want to think something really mean, I really do. I just wasted almost an hour and will have to come back on Monday to do what could have been done in five minutes. As I ride down the escalator though, I realize that as much as these people annoy you with their STUPID and CHAUVINISTIC rules, they are just so nice...........................................They need to stop that.