Update Part 2

Well, after an early morning bonding session (from about 6 - 9am) where she would not let go of me or let me put her down for part of the time and basically was pretty pleased with me, she has returned to her "get away from me you scary person" mood.

She woke up early and I picked her up from her crib - she was fine and I just held her for a long time. We laid down on the bed together - her lying on top of me. She said "mam" in this little soft voice. She slept for a little while. She started to get restless again so we got up and walked, and sat, and walked some more. We went into the kitchen where she found the little packets of butter in the fridge and drank two bottles of milk (yes!!!). We went and sat in the bathroom, where we played with stuff and I used the little aspirator on her nose to suction out some of the gunk (ok, that is just gross!!) As a side note: yesterday when she was standing next to Baba san's side of the bed, she was picking her nose and then wiping it on the sheet - I thought this was hysterical; he was not happy.

Then we went and sat on the chair and almost fell asleep. When I tried to put her down, she suddenly woke up and kind of snapped, realizing it was me. Fun time over. She started screaming "mama", "mama" as if she was looking for someone and that's when it dawned on me.

After seeing her former caregivers yesterday, one of whom she likely thought of as her mama, she is just not ready to accept me as that yet. So, for now, Baba san and Jed are taking over:


Jed got right down to important business by letting her watch a James Bond movie followed by "Aquateen Hunger Force" with him while Arny takes a shower. From the look of it, she is quite enthralled - I will continue to provide her food and they will refer to me as "mama".

Thank you all for your kind words and support, both here and via email. I appreciate you all taking the time to share your experience and it does help tremendously. Feel free to continue to do so either here or by email - I am reading them all.

stay tuned.......................

Ok, Michelle - here is your update

The day started out well....we were friends......we got dressed, we ate breakfast and made out way downstairs and outside for the trip to the Civil Affairs office to complete the adoption.

The nannies from the orphanage were there and all gathered around Ariana to say hello. They kept pointing to me saying "Mama, Mama". That's when the trouble started....I went to pick her up and she started crying..Arny took her from me and from then on, I can't get near her. I tried holding her for awhile and she just cried. I thought perhaps she was just grieving, but she stopped as soon as Arny took her from me. I went out to the store and when I came back she was sleeping. When she woke up she saw me and started howling (welcome to motherhood!!) Arny took her and she stopped. Then, as you can see, they fell asleep peacefully. Everyone woke up to get ready to go out, but as I was trying to dress her she was crying so hysterically, I left without husband san or Ariana. I did what every self respecting mother does when shunned by their children...I went shopping!! To Walmart of all places to buy some more diapers and other assorted things. I'm back now and she is staring at me as she walks by really fast. At least she is not braking out in hysterics anymore.

This is actually a very normal reaction in adoption. The children will attach to one parent or the other. I know this in my head and I know it won't last.

But it's my heart that is hurting right now.

Crib Is Occupied

While most kids take about 17 years to hate their mothers, I achieved that feat in all of 3 minutes!! For awhile anyway. Once she realized she was being held by someone other than her nanny, she displayed the full range of a most heathy set of lungs that only stopped when Daddy san stepped in

See how calm and quiet she looks holding her little stuffed animal....




After an absolutely disasterous picture session, we made it back to the hotel where Jed and Daddy san undressed her. She was reluctant to let go of the shoes however (just like her mamma) so they left them on for awhile.
She spent about thirty minutes walking back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen, exploring everything.

Finally it was time for a diaper change, which I am proud to say I did beautifully.


>

16 months today our dossier got logged in to the China Center for Adoption Affairs, we will have our daughter. 16 months of job changes, moves across, birthdays, vacations, arguments and make up sessions.

In 2 1/2 hours I meet my daughter. As I sit here in the hotel early in the morning, I don't think how long the wait was, I just think that in two and a half hours, I will see the little face that I have been staring at since September. I will touch that little face that is filled with both fear and determination. I will hold my baby in my arms.

As I was making my coffee and waiting for the water to boil, I filled her little snack cup.
Her.
Little.
Snack. Cup.

Before I leave, I will pack her diaper bag with a few toys and diapers.
Her.
Diaper.
Bag.

These things are no longer items I bought for “the baby" they are hers now. They belong to someone now. They are Ariana's.

I do hope she likes them.

13 hours and Counting..

We arrived in Nanchang, unpacked, had dinner where we met the other families and shared our excitement and anxiety........and now we wait...........13 hours and counting................

Yes, It is Great

The Wall that is. After a quick stop at the Temple of Heaven, where I had my first meltdown as we saw a family with their Chinese daughter and I realized in 48 hours, that will be us, we made our way out to Mutianyu portion of the Great Wall. Today was the first snow in Beijing, and because that kept a lot of tourists away, we had the wall practically to ourselves.

these are some of the steps we had to climb. Yes, so in 48 hours, actually less than that as I just found out we will see our daughter for the first time at 11am on Monday, I will be a mom.

Since I have been here, I have been looking at women of all ages thinking "that could be Ariana". In a way, she is all of these women as this is her culture, her heritage, her beginnings. Brent explained today that the Chinese people's ways are influenced by both Buddhism and the teaching of Confucius - a combination of kindness and harmony. This is something I want to teach her, as her culture is more than pretty silk dresses, Chinese dance classes and Chinese New Year. This will also be the most difficult to teach, as we will be living in a very different environment. But I will try, because it is part of who she is.

Not Feelin The Frog

Me: Does it taste like chicken?
Husband-san: Actually, it takes like frog.

And it did. We went to Family Li’s restaurant tonight (thank you Yvonne). Down a hutong in northwestern Beijing, we were all a little nervous as we made our way down the narrow street. No sign on the door, this little restaurant is actually about six different tiny dining rooms joined by a narrow walkway. With little heat, we sat in a room with four tables, one of them taken by a group from Tokyo. Then the procession began. Over 30 little plates filled with all sorts of things were presented – two different kinds of bean curd, marinated shredded carrots, celery, fried bean curd, fried fish, scallops, abalone, Peking duck, pork, chicken, beef and yes – frog. Not just frog, but snow frog. It came mixed with custard and we stared at it for awhile. Husband-san was the first to be brave, and Jed and I soon followed.

It was a great dinner, despite the fact that Jed was "not feelin the frog"

Note to Self.....

1) check to see that the @!!! camera battery is fully charged and the @!#$%##@@back up battery still in the package works before setting out on the days very important tourist attractions.!!!!!!!!!

2) Young students who smile and start talking to you as you are walking down the street may be the young artists they claim to be and may in fact be exhibiting their artwork at a space right down the street, or, maybe not...

3) All of the little packs of tissues handed out as part of advertising on the streets of Tokyo come in very handy when you visit one of "those" bathrooms here in Beijing.

Yes, I admit it. I said many bad words (at the encouragement of Jed) as right at the beginning of our walk through the forbidden city the battery as my camera died and the backup battery was dead as well. I bought a disposable camera to fill in, so the picture of us having coffee at the Starbuck's in the Forbidden City will not be posted here. I did manage to take these though:

Forbidden City - the most incredible sight - I could have spent a whole day just wondering around the stone streets and beautiful buildings

Lots of construction in preparation for the 2008 Olympics.

Then after dropping the boys off at the hotel and recharging the batteries, I made my way to the Lama Temple:

There are different halls, all housing different Buddhas. The Yongyoudain hall held the most meaning for me as it holds three different Buddhas - the Buddha of past, present and future. I stood there a long time reflecting on how my life has changed in such a short time and how it is about to again even more so. The tile work is so beautiful...a very peaceful place in a very hectic city.

On my ride back, I got a glimpse of Beijing traffic as it was rush hour. It is a total free-for-all between the cars, buses, bicycles and pedestrians. There are traffic lights, but they seem more a suggestion than a rule.

stay tuned......

So Much for the Thanksgiving Peking Duck

Instead, we dined on the mystery meat on the ANA flight to Beijing and had burgers, cheese sticks and chicken wings (the last two were Jed's) at the hotel when we finally got checked in.

We were met at the airport by Grant, our guide, who drove us to the hotel and gave us a brief history of China, explaining a little of the city, mostly involving the millions of trees that are being planted to counteract all of the pollution. Even at night you could smell it - at first I thought there was something burning, but then realized this was just the air here in Beijing. Jed thought it smelled like snowboarding - something like the smell his snowboard gear took on after a day on the slopes...oooookkkkkaaayyyyy

stay tuned.....

Note to all the adoptive parents out there - the red bag in the picture is the diaper bag (thanks Chris and Declan) currently being used to carry all of the paperwork. Husband-san was carrying it and commented how heavy it was!!

In Six and a half hours..

we will be on a plane to Beijing. I have been on the verge of tears this morning, trying to concentrate on last minute packing and not to think too much about the way my life will change. How can one person be so excited and so scared at the same time?

A little person is sitting in an orphanage in China, having spent almost her whole life there, with her friends and caregivers, with the sounds and tastes and smells so familiar. Does she know that in a few days, she will be leaving all of that behind for a world filled with everything new?

Here I sit in my apartment in Tokyo, having spent my whole life only having to take care of myself, doing what I want when I want. In a few days, I will be responsible for this little person who needs so much...so much confort and love and patience and guidance.

I am ready................

I think??

One More Day....

I am now officially freaking out.

As I stare at the packets of documents, the very ones I have checked numerous times already, I try to divine something that I've missed, even though I know everything is in there.

My suitcase packed, my mind races as I seek the one "very important" thing I have missed, the absence of which will make my daughter miserable.

Alternatively thinking "I can't wait!" and "what am I doing?", the only solace comes from one thing..........


CHOCOLATE!!!!!

Getting Ready and Throwing Away

In the mad dash to get everything ready, we finally did what we had been putting off for months......getting rid of the extra pieces of crib. You see, we only got part of the crib in the move - a very long story involving many emails, phone calls and bad words. We did finally receive a complete crib which we set up, leaving the extra pieces to dispose of. In New York, this would be simple.

1) Put pieces on curb
2) Watch them disappear.

In Tokyo, this requires many phone calls, trips to the 7-11 and also many bad words.

1) Find handout on "disposing of waste".
2) Read the part that deals with "oversize waste".
3) Seeing that it requires going to the 7-11 to get (and pay for) a waste disposal ticket to attach to pieces of crib - think many bad words.
4) Measure the pieces, remembering to write down the centimeter measurement and not the inch.
5) Take handout on disposal of waste, paper with measurements and digital camera that holds a picture of the crib pieces to the 7-11.
6) Apologize (for the mangling of the Japanese language you are about to speak), point to handout on disposing of waste, show them picture of pieces of crib and say "ticket".
7) Watch as the two people behind the counter converse amongst themselves, finally calling over a third person, who joins in the conversation.
8) Stand there sheepishly.
9) Listen as the one person behind the counter who speaks Enlish says "you call number, they tell you price, you buy ticket"
10) Thank all of them profusely thinking "I really need to learn Japanese".
11) Walk home and wait until Monday.
12) Call number.
13) Recite my phone number to person who answers the phone who doesn't speak English, but will have someone call me who does. (numbers don't count as "speaking English").
14) Wait all of two minutes for the phone to ring (in New York, if you ever had to do this, you would be waiting for weeks)
15) Explain what I am throwing out and then listen to the lady on the phone tell you how much it will be (200 yen, about $1.75), where to get the ticket (7-11 I knew this!) and what day they will pick it up (Friday).
16) Thank her profusely and hang up.
17) Walk to 7-11.
18) Buy ticket.
19) Walk home in garbage disposing directional haze.
20) Stick ticket on pieces of crib, after bundling them together as requested by lady on phone.
21) Bring pieces down to basement (actually, tell Jed to bring them down to basement).
22) Relax in "extra pieces of crib" free apartment.

And you were wondering why it took months to get rid of the pieces of crib....

3 More Days!!!!!!

Got the plane tickets today (thank you David), got the antibiotics yesterday (thank you Lori and Mark) and have already repacked once as the weather will be cooler than I thought. Of course, neither Arny or Jed have even begun to think about packing, but I think I am thinking enough for them, and pretty much enough for the other seven families traveling with us as well.

I've reviewed the paperwork about twenty times already, had a minor panic attack that the "blue" form was missing, until I was reassured that the "blue" form wasn't actually blue but white and sitting just where it belongs behind the other forms.

Carrie (another soon to be mom) and I have decided that we WILL get the babies on Sunday instead of Monday, if only to avoid a Sunday night anticipatory "meltdown".

Spent about an hour yesterday downloading Chinese songs for children on to my iTunes for Ariana, and then trying to learn the words so I can sing them. On second thought, this is a bad idea as I picture my daughter running with her hands over her ears, screaming as she tries drown out the scary sounds.

Perhaps I'll just stick to speaking.....

6 More Days!!!

It is Friday here in Tokyo, which means in six days (6 days!!!)we will be on a plane to Beijing to enjoy some sightseeing until Sunday when we fly to Nanchang to be united with Ariana either that day or the next.

Just finishing up with all of the travel arrangements, I am silently praying that she will like plane rides, since between this trip and our holiday trip back to the U.S., she will be on eight planes in the course of one month. Therefore, I would like to to take this opportunity to apologize in advance to all of my fellow passengers for the crying, wimpering, constant trips to the bathroon, kicking the seat, food throwing and screaming out in frustration.

Ariana can apologize for her own behavior later.

In a place far away..

Ariana is waiting for us in a place called Yong Feng, about four hours southeast from Nanchang, the provincial capital and the place we will meet her. We don't know yet if we will be able to make the trip to the orphanage where she spent her first two years; we want to even if it means sitting on a bus for four hours (I say this now). We want to be able to tell her as much as we can about her early life and what better way than to see it with our own eyes.

We also got a surprise today from one of the cyber families I met online.

She is in the middle, holding the book.



From the looks of it, she's not letting it go so easy...and look at those shoes!!!

Peking Duck...

.....will be on the menu for our Thanksgiving dinner as we will be eating it in Beijing!! I just got word that our consulate appointment is on December 5th, which means we leave on Thanksgiving day, spend a few days in Beijing and lay eyes (and hugs and kisses) on our daughter either November 26th or 27th!!!

Finally!!!! the longest process in the world is coming to an end. Arny is busy practicing reciting Dr. Seuss stories (he knows them by heart) and I am busy practicing the few words I know in Mandarin. We have two weeks to perfect whatever it is we need to perfect, because in two weeks we will have our daughter!!!!

What a Lovely Day

1) Democrats won big
2) Rummy's out
3) Got Travel Authorization!!!!!!!!!!!!!

................

On the eve of election day in the US, here I sit in Japan wondering when I will get to see my child. I sit, paralyzed to do anything much but think and worry and stare at the computer willing it silently to bring me some word. Others are angry, fuming, irate at the lack of information – Frankly, I don’t care about the whys - I just want to see my child. In the meantime, I make a feeble attempt to stay busy. It’s not working though. While everyone else seems to be going on with their lives, I wait, without being able to concentrate on anything productive. I try to make plans, I try to get away from the computer and I am stuck like glue..
and I wait.
I walk back and forth from her room, re-folding clothes for the umteenth time, wondering if she has grown out of them and if I should go buy more..
and I wait.
I reach into the crib, making sure I am tall enough to reach to the bottom so I will be able to pick her up when she needs comforting. My arms just barely touch the mattress....
and I wait.
I practice folding and unfolding the car seat/stroller, so I will be able to do it quickly and reassure her that her mother isn’t totally inept and uncoordinated. ..
And I wait……..

Eating With The Dogs

After watching a screening of "Iraq for Sale - The War Profiteers", a new documentary by Robert Greenwald put on by Democrats Abroad (yes, this calls for a whole new blog entry), Arny and I wanted to find a place to get a bite to eat. Since it had been a long day for both of us, our first choice was any restaurant that had an English menu, as we were both too tired to figure out a Japanese one. Our quest led us to an Italian cafe, where we promptly sat at a small table in front. Ordering pasta, we were chatting and eating when in strolled a young couple with two long haired dachshunds, both wearing little outfits (This also requires an entirely separate blog entry). They sat down next to us and we began to coo over the dogs as they came up to sniff us. Starting a conversation, which was difficult since they knew little English and our ability to speak Japanese does not include making comments about dogs, we discovered that they (the dogs that is) were mama and daughter. Of course, being the proud "mama" myself, I pulled out a puppy picture of Tess and showed it to them.



Note to self - 1) get a new picture of Tess for my wallet, 2) stop pulling out a picture of Tess - you are a New Yorker - you are being ridiculous.

As they were cooing (not quiet sufficiently if you ask me) over Tess, in walks another couple with a small, very cute poodle. The waiter comes over to us and motions for us to either go upstairs or to the bar where we would be re-seated. As we had finished our dinner, we opted for the bar, where we could finish our wine. As it turns out, we had been sitting in the dog section all along.

Who knew??

P.S. YES, WE ARE STILL WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!